Search found 14 matches

by ryan
07 Jun 2014, 02:14
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
Replies: 6
Views: 5546

Re: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:

Ryan laks [ “Dark Nipple of the Figs” ] The things we said, or chose not to; the way it happens when the mind divides, makes an eye flinch. I know as a door opens to a darker room you'll find it is a warm September evening. Sometimes we kissed appetizing female forms in our mind. The way it happened...
by ryan
04 Jun 2014, 03:24
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
Replies: 6
Views: 5546

Re: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:

"Birthright : there is no maternity leave"
by ryan
03 Jun 2014, 03:55
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
Replies: 6
Views: 5546

Re: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:

any newcomers or returnees this month, Welcome! and here is a home link to the IBPC rules: http://ibpc.webdelsol.com/rules Poems recommended to represent the Block are posted here in this thread, along with all IBPC required info. When the 1-3 are decided upon, and permission granted by each author...
by ryan
03 Jun 2014, 03:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Etymology
Replies: 5
Views: 4748

Re: Etymology

For me, the title has a clinical contrast with the personal -- I don't care for this. The first two strophes promise something 'interesting' completely missing by the end. I like the idea of power as powerless to time. An echo of something and someone left behind. But. Could be said better. Weak ver...
by ryan
30 May 2014, 03:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Temple Car Festival In My Husband's Hometown
Replies: 5
Views: 4706

Re: The Temple Car Festival In My Husband's Hometown

The last lines are worth exploring, I think. I hope you plumb, just a bit more, into the type of person that uses her sexual organs to restrain herself in a landscape of sexual worship. Elders Kama sutra carrying grandmama some manly rope tugging etc etc etc. The poem is immature to me because it's ...
by ryan
29 May 2014, 14:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: August 1982
Replies: 2
Views: 3904

Re: August 1982

. Some enjoyable moments here. But I admit to not being particularly won-over by this. A lot of distracting cultural references, a lot of staging without a sense of grounding, a sort of distant/quiet narrative voice, which still overpowers the identity of the prose's characters. I wanted something m...
by ryan
23 May 2014, 03:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Is Love Like A Sniff Of Cocaine?
Replies: 4
Views: 4053

Re: Is Love Like A Sniff Of Cocaine?

Relying on the title to carry the fabula/sujet just doesn't work for me. Perhaps it was meant to be a fun piece without the burden of narrative construction except nothing fun or new here -- for me at least. Thanks for trying
by ryan
23 May 2014, 03:33
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming IBPC May 2014:
Replies: 7
Views: 6299

Re: Upcoming IBPC May 2014:

Thanks. Just saw this. Appreciate the nod - perhaps next time
by ryan
26 Apr 2014, 01:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dark Nipple of the Figs
Replies: 3
Views: 3897

Dark Nipple of the Figs

[ “Dark Nipple of the Figs” ] The things we said, or chose not to; the way it happens when the mind divides, makes an eye flinch. I know as a door opens to a darker room you'll find it is a warm September evening. Sometimes we kissed appetizing female forms in our mind. The way it happened we heard...
by ryan
18 Apr 2014, 04:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Snakeskin Jackets Were More Familiar
Replies: 5
Views: 4690

Re: Snakeskin Jackets Were More Familiar

Work on cutting the pointless staging and modifications. Work hard on the arc. I suppose language, too. Thanks for the read
by ryan
18 Apr 2014, 03:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ode To a Peacock
Replies: 2
Views: 3566

Re: Ode To a Peacock

I couldn't even find a helpful place to start a critique. I suppose read other 'stuff'. Thanks for the opportunity to comment.
by ryan
24 Feb 2013, 17:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Passive aggressive heart ache
Replies: 2
Views: 4212

Re: Passive aggressive heart ache

No new ground covered in the overused theme of oh woe is me
by ryan
23 Feb 2013, 01:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Painting Mrs Roth's Apt.
Replies: 17
Views: 14605

Re: Painting Mrs Roth's Apt.

too much telling, lack of anchoring, weak language, poorly conceived arc, vague-shifting across details, flat delivery, over-symbolic words and suggestive tropes strong-arm the poem I think here's what you could do with this one: Marigold Petals on the East wall. She needs on the North wall a clean,...

Go to advanced search