Search found 11 matches

by Yoly
19 Feb 2013, 05:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: me and her in the rain
Replies: 6
Views: 8085

Re: me and her in the rain

The poem breezes about rain and people
And in the end the end surprises. I like the simple, easy manner with which you presented this.
My only pause was
"as
rain
has been
everyday
this
month" The wording is off. May be unnecessary.

Thank you for posting.
by Yoly
19 Feb 2013, 05:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: JOURNEY THROUGH SMOG
Replies: 5
Views: 7120

Re: JOURNEY THROUGH SMOG

Hi SnickleFrittes we sit in the cab of a huge maroon kenworth semi-truck for hours we talk about life; the alchohol (the) women abortion and money the sun drops behind mountains of smog. . . then mile after mile as the windows freeze in beautiful designs (we sit in) silence There is a bigger story i...
by Yoly
13 Aug 2012, 23:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Symptomatic
Replies: 24
Views: 22523

Re: Symptomatic

Gorgeous, Siva.
by Yoly
13 Aug 2012, 23:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Now My Brothers Office Room
Replies: 3
Views: 5864

Re: Now My Brothers Office Room

Siva, this one draws me in from beginning to end. I like how the speaker reflects on her abandoned poems. To me it says that there might be some of her mom in them, and she's worried they might be lost along with the memory of her mom. And the niece takes on a stare that the speaker writes it looks ...
by Yoly
13 Aug 2012, 23:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: prey
Replies: 5
Views: 7829

Re: prey

Hi Octo I wondered why there’s a lack of punctuation in some areas. Overall, I was interested, though some areas might need a little extra attention. I had just flopped onto our bed wrapped in exhausted flesh and old blankets when I remembered leaving a book outside and decided to drag my pathetic b...
by Yoly
13 Aug 2012, 22:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: "independence"
Replies: 7
Views: 9917

Re: "independence"

I thought Frank's observation was interesting.
I will chew on it for a bit.
Frank, perhaps the summer season finds people under its hot sun.
I'm not one to display why I'm here ot not.
Glad poems are being posted.

Cheers
by Yoly
13 Aug 2012, 21:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Red Murder
Replies: 2
Views: 5237

Re: Red Murder

Hi Siva

Wow, this is different from your other work. I reads like the start of a novel.


Intriguing
by Yoly
18 Jun 2012, 18:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Climate
Replies: 5
Views: 8420

Re: Climate

The poem is polished, Siva.
Your edits took care of the excesses but the reader still gets much to enjoy.

Cheers
by Yoly
12 Jun 2012, 21:22
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: gates swinging open
Replies: 3
Views: 7160

Re: gates swinging open

What a lovely poem, Octo.
I can chew on it for a while and it will still rmain pleasant in my mouth.


Cheers
Yo
by Yoly
12 Jun 2012, 21:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: "in the moog"
Replies: 7
Views: 9078

Re: "in the moog"

"strong voice" seems like it didn't reach enough for the poem's conclusion.
But I do agree that the rest of it shouldn't be touched.

Love Miss Summer.

Cheers!
Yo
by Yoly
12 Jun 2012, 21:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Climate
Replies: 5
Views: 8420

Re: Climate

Good afternoon, Siva I always like to read about a place tucked in memory. I think a little paring back might enhance the read. Kodaikanal I remember the cold air and my half sari twining around the oars of a boat. Today the spread out (spread out: how? Don't know if it is needed.) square bungalow i...

Go to advanced search