The poem breezes about rain and people
And in the end the end surprises. I like the simple, easy manner with which you presented this.
My only pause was
"as
rain
has been
everyday
this
month" The wording is off. May be unnecessary.
Thank you for posting.
Search found 11 matches
- 19 Feb 2013, 05:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: me and her in the rain
- Replies: 6
- Views: 18729
- 19 Feb 2013, 05:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: JOURNEY THROUGH SMOG
- Replies: 5
- Views: 17133
Re: JOURNEY THROUGH SMOG
Hi SnickleFrittes we sit in the cab of a huge maroon kenworth semi-truck for hours we talk about life; the alchohol (the) women abortion and money the sun drops behind mountains of smog. . . then mile after mile as the windows freeze in beautiful designs (we sit in) silence There is a bigger story i...
- 13 Aug 2012, 23:40
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Symptomatic
- Replies: 24
- Views: 50204
Re: Symptomatic
Gorgeous, Siva.
- 13 Aug 2012, 23:31
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Now My Brothers Office Room
- Replies: 3
- Views: 13152
Re: Now My Brothers Office Room
Siva, this one draws me in from beginning to end. I like how the speaker reflects on her abandoned poems. To me it says that there might be some of her mom in them, and she's worried they might be lost along with the memory of her mom. And the niece takes on a stare that the speaker writes it looks ...
- 13 Aug 2012, 23:07
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: prey
- Replies: 5
- Views: 17196
Re: prey
Hi Octo I wondered why there’s a lack of punctuation in some areas. Overall, I was interested, though some areas might need a little extra attention. I had just flopped onto our bed wrapped in exhausted flesh and old blankets when I remembered leaving a book outside and decided to drag my pathetic b...
- 13 Aug 2012, 22:07
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: "independence"
- Replies: 7
- Views: 22980
Re: "independence"
I thought Frank's observation was interesting.
I will chew on it for a bit.
Frank, perhaps the summer season finds people under its hot sun.
I'm not one to display why I'm here ot not.
Glad poems are being posted.
Cheers
I will chew on it for a bit.
Frank, perhaps the summer season finds people under its hot sun.
I'm not one to display why I'm here ot not.
Glad poems are being posted.
Cheers
- 13 Aug 2012, 21:55
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Red Murder
- Replies: 2
- Views: 11763
Re: Red Murder
Hi Siva
Wow, this is different from your other work. I reads like the start of a novel.
Intriguing
Wow, this is different from your other work. I reads like the start of a novel.
Intriguing
- 18 Jun 2012, 18:01
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Climate
- Replies: 5
- Views: 19012
Re: Climate
The poem is polished, Siva.
Your edits took care of the excesses but the reader still gets much to enjoy.
Cheers
Your edits took care of the excesses but the reader still gets much to enjoy.
Cheers
- 12 Jun 2012, 21:22
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: gates swinging open
- Replies: 3
- Views: 15523
Re: gates swinging open
What a lovely poem, Octo.
I can chew on it for a while and it will still rmain pleasant in my mouth.
Cheers
Yo
I can chew on it for a while and it will still rmain pleasant in my mouth.
Cheers
Yo
- 12 Jun 2012, 21:19
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: "in the moog"
- Replies: 7
- Views: 19993
Re: "in the moog"
"strong voice" seems like it didn't reach enough for the poem's conclusion.
But I do agree that the rest of it shouldn't be touched.
Love Miss Summer.
Cheers!
Yo
But I do agree that the rest of it shouldn't be touched.
Love Miss Summer.
Cheers!
Yo
- 12 Jun 2012, 21:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Climate
- Replies: 5
- Views: 19012
Re: Climate
Good afternoon, Siva I always like to read about a place tucked in memory. I think a little paring back might enhance the read. Kodaikanal I remember the cold air and my half sari twining around the oars of a boat. Today the spread out (spread out: how? Don't know if it is needed.) square bungalow i...