Search found 14 matches

by ichiozi1
13 Sep 2013, 21:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Blind In Autumn.
Replies: 3
Views: 4430

Blind In Autumn.

Blind In Autumn. She gave him two keys, in two minds he did wander, left him to sorts on the plains, She gave him a period of many joyous adventures, They rallied through rays and the rain, Like a tropic noel, such warmth and spirit, She awoke his heart and taught him, To keep merry and fear not win...
by ichiozi1
30 Aug 2013, 19:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mind At War
Replies: 3
Views: 4573

Re: Mind At War

Hey guys light and blessings. I'm very grateful that you have come here to help me overstand my art. I will take a good look at all the points you have raised before determining if they carry any weight for me. Billy, I tried to express this thoroughly, I see what you're getting at but maybe you fai...
by ichiozi1
27 Aug 2013, 21:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: another story
Replies: 2
Views: 3606

Re: another story

i really like this billy. @micheal i'm not sure it needs rewording as its very vivid as it is, but love your enthusiasm to help!
by ichiozi1
27 Aug 2013, 21:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mind At War
Replies: 3
Views: 4573

Mind At War

Here, with my thoughts, lay the seed of internal struggle, Love and peace conflict with fear and duty, Harmony lost on winds that echoes the innocence of my delusion, A whistle that sounds through melancholy streets of grey and pressure. "Fear not" we converse, mind and mental meet on the playground...
by ichiozi1
13 Aug 2013, 04:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Last Call
Replies: 6
Views: 6419

Re: The Last Call

hello michael, thank you for your help! I like the way you have punctuated it! frank i'm shocked, i was actually waiting for your critique!!! yes it was a deep moment BUT not too deep for critique! well and truly feeling better from this moment. i'd like to open it up without anyone feeling bad!!
by ichiozi1
31 Jul 2013, 16:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Last Call
Replies: 6
Views: 6419

Re: The Last Call

Hey guys (michael and billy), I really do suffer in the grammer/punctuation department. I'll try reworking the commas, I wrote this whilst rapping to it at the same time. So the commas were my indicators to pause and I guess i wanted the viewer to share the same experience to create the intensity of...
by ichiozi1
24 Jul 2013, 05:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Last Call
Replies: 6
Views: 6419

The Last Call

Hello love, Its me again, Suffering from lack of we again, I plead again, you could of been my world but you heave again, At the solemn sound of me your friend, or should i say your dealer in, Lust, highs and emotive blends, never charged for feelings spent. I shudder, did you hope for a new me trap...
by ichiozi1
24 Jul 2013, 04:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation
Replies: 11
Views: 11083

Re: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation

Hey Judy, I see your vision. I will have a good look at the poets in question. Its just funny how much poetry has evolved since my english literature days. I guess what I'm trying to say is, yes, I agree with your part about ''concept words'' and trying to sound ''poesy'' as you put it. When I have ...
by ichiozi1
14 Jun 2013, 02:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation
Replies: 11
Views: 11083

Re: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation

Blessings Judy, Its not that I cannot change I really don't know how to. I write emotively and in bursts of energy. I do other creative writing under my real name but this is actually my first ever poem/list poem. I didn't state that as thats in a form a way out. As much criticism as you can lash I ...
by ichiozi1
14 Jun 2013, 01:33
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation
Replies: 11
Views: 11083

Re: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation

Also look at the title, It says 'critique my poem'. I didn't want anyone to tell me it marvelous or anything of that nature. I came here on discovery and as negative and bitter as your response may be, I take it all with a smile.

Blessings Judy

Ichiozi
by ichiozi1
14 Jun 2013, 01:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation
Replies: 11
Views: 11083

Re: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation

Cheers Judy! Im stating my case not arguing a point but thanks also for your critique and point noted Judy. If it doesn't resonate with you then yes I have truly failed... This is the reality of the poem. Its not that I didn't hear or overstand the critique I chose to contest in light of the fact it...
by ichiozi1
11 Jun 2013, 04:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation
Replies: 11
Views: 11083

Re: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation

Lol, um thanks frank. Your critique was compelling. Billy Haiku doesn't interest me to be honest. Point noted on "cliche", but abstract is my extract on life so cant do someone else's style. I'm a hip hop writer/fanatic so i'm usually swayed by rhyme and gritty realism/topic. I tried to veer away fr...
by ichiozi1
01 May 2013, 04:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation
Replies: 11
Views: 11083

Critique my poem? yeah I'm quite bad at punctuation

Once Once I was a dreamer Once I tried to be seen, but hid from view, Once I tried to be heard, but my voice could not breach the storm i conjured, Once I tried to share, but realised i had nothing to give but my world. Once I tried to inhabit peace but realised i had no piece of my own, Once I trie...

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