Search found 17 matches

by IapCharon
18 Sep 2013, 22:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The meaning of life
Replies: 8
Views: 7438

Re: The meaning of life

Edna, Here's what I suggest you consider keeping: The meaning of life is a note or a tune ; the unconscious tingle of hearts set to bloom . Live, tune, tingle, bloom - Heart. Your soul mate in life one body one soul ; when life cannot part you even when old . Mate, body, part, age Soul. Soar ing in ...
by IapCharon
04 Sep 2013, 22:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Outside Roosevelt Elementary
Replies: 5
Views: 4829

Outside Roosevelt Elementary

Outside Roosevelt Elementary October morning - pumpkins, hay bales, finches. Mist piping from clipped corn fields. Blue skies, mottled clouds, cherry trees. On the curbs – school kids in braids, spikes, ponytails, flitting in twos ‘n’ fours. Orange vests - the whole world stopped still. They don’t ...
by IapCharon
09 Aug 2013, 19:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Bouquet from Bingo
Replies: 3
Views: 4740

Re: The Bouquet from Bingo

Dear MV,

Thank you so very much! Your edits are spot on. Most appreciated.

IC
by IapCharon
08 Aug 2013, 00:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ocean
Replies: 2
Views: 4007

Re: Ocean

Hello Antara, I bring this up as your piece was deservedly noticed but somehow not commented upon....based on my read, this is what I see in this piece...for you to consider: [Ocean, be so deep Come evening This surface so still Belies your turmoil below.] Let no eyes ever seek, That [unbecoming] Ch...
by IapCharon
07 Aug 2013, 23:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Referencing: A Cinderella/Princess In The Same Culture
Replies: 4
Views: 4703

Re: She Enters The World Of Fantasy

Hello Siva, Based on my read, the truly standout lines about this piece is here: Each night she learns something new ...how to filter tea through a bra cup... I would encourage a rewrite around that...bearing in mind, it would be extremely hard to make something as mundane as holding a cigarette or ...
by IapCharon
07 Aug 2013, 00:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Bouquet from Bingo
Replies: 3
Views: 4740

The Bouquet from Bingo

The Bouquet from Bingo In Hospice, mother recovers from heart attack - sons whisper sweet nothings. Purple iris, roses shine inside a cellophaned bouquet, from Bingo. It’s May - moths blinded by the sunset, die by the glass window. Stalks of stale tulip dissolve in a green haze - water inside the v...
by IapCharon
20 Jul 2013, 17:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: lest we forget the dogs, man
Replies: 1
Views: 3442

Re: lest we forget the dogs, man

Dear Billy, I think the 'meat' of the poem is in these lines: But I was a child of the tube the perfect white family Father Knows Best Leave It To Beaver Roy Rogers Superman the American dream justice for all, man but who were the all? I hear the dogs barking in the distance, man do you hear them? t...
by IapCharon
20 Jul 2013, 01:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Our past present and futureS ARE written on palm many thosan
Replies: 3
Views: 5618

Re: The Birthing of Snakes

Dear SivaRamanathan, I am not so sure this is working yet. Without a doubt, it's difficult material you are handling here! With that said, the manner in which the material is rendered, makes the reading harder and dims, must I say, the brilliance of the trope. I feel the poem is circular in premise,...
by IapCharon
19 Jul 2013, 00:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trunkshow   (for all seasons)
Replies: 3
Views: 4456

Re: Trunkshow   (for all seasons)

Dear MV... "Victorio's Secret" ...the title: good play, aligned with the overall tone, yet, going by the subject, alone, may be reconsidered for something like say The Guardians that may not prepare the reader in the same vein...besides, what the poem reveals is no secret in the same sense as Victor...
by IapCharon
17 Jul 2013, 20:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Rattle Road
Replies: 1
Views: 3073

Rattle Road

Rattle Road As mist clears the dirt road shows up by the window sill - tearing a bed of wild roses in halves that never meet, unless it's pitch dark out and the road is a diamondback flicking the tongue Chi Chi Chi - jaws taut - in one straight line, ready to shoot venom into splits. Rain can kill....
by IapCharon
15 Jul 2013, 18:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Yard in May
Replies: 5
Views: 6029

Re: The Yard in May

Dear Michael (MV),

Thank you much for the edits. The pieces are so much the better with your suggests. I appreciate it. IC
by IapCharon
14 Jul 2013, 03:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: started as a semi-sonnet, but extended via the conceit  
Replies: 4
Views: 5970

Re: started as a semi-sonnet, but extended via the conceit  

Dear Michael (MV)...please consider: "the holy hounding / on the arena green" {another title} [m] (M)y youth is not lost Atlantis (-) [not bone-buried] this is how I grieve(:) [full-bodied to heighten and even overwhelm the overcome the flesh still sensates and resonates endowment from the soul for ...
by IapCharon
14 Jul 2013, 03:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dry Dock Road
Replies: 10
Views: 10439

Re: Dry Dock Road

Dear Frank...please consider: [Again] I ride the mist [filled roads] to the sounds of [the] morning(.) [tugs [that pull] (U) nwilling [vessels] (ships) [laboriously] (pull) against the [turning] tide . [/b] My wheels crin[c](k)le along with the ripple of the hard rubber bands that circle my metal [t...
by IapCharon
14 Jul 2013, 02:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Yard in May
Replies: 5
Views: 6029

Re: The Yard in May

Thanks, Billy. Appreciate the crit. Iap
by IapCharon
13 Jul 2013, 08:13
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Guernica
Replies: 3
Views: 4707

Re: Guernica

Dear Billy, I like this even though it explains a known masterpiece...sometimes that's important...like interpreting the sun, like explaining the meaning of a moon battered by a storm. I like the poem for it's almost absent stance....in not trying to drown a master's craft the poem holds a candle to...
by IapCharon
13 Jul 2013, 07:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Elm Tree
Replies: 2
Views: 4554

Re: The Elm Tree

Dear Marcus... Methinks the poem we have here might be hard to salvage. That said, you may try working with some lines that stand out: [The] Dead elm standing [in the ground No more such life ever to be found Wanting, crying, to end the strife But forever falls, no more such life] A single leaf , [a...
by IapCharon
13 Jul 2013, 06:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Yard in May
Replies: 5
Views: 6029

The Yard in May

The Yard in May The tulips are gone sunflowers, azaleas, gone welcome daisies. Lugging sacks of loam I leave the door open for flies to out sing the chimes. Weedy dirt patch yields easy to rakes, hoes, axes thinking of flowers. Petunias, dour in pink plastic jars, shoot into the broken ground. Worms...

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