Search found 17 matches
- 18 Sep 2013, 22:49
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The meaning of life
- Replies: 8
- Views: 19404
Re: The meaning of life
Edna, Here's what I suggest you consider keeping: The meaning of life is a note or a tune ; the unconscious tingle of hearts set to bloom . Live, tune, tingle, bloom - Heart. Your soul mate in life one body one soul ; when life cannot part you even when old . Mate, body, part, age Soul. Soar ing in ...
- 04 Sep 2013, 22:47
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Outside Roosevelt Elementary
- Replies: 5
- Views: 11163
Outside Roosevelt Elementary
Outside Roosevelt Elementary October morning - pumpkins, hay bales, finches. Mist piping from clipped corn fields. Blue skies, mottled clouds, cherry trees. On the curbs – school kids in braids, spikes, ponytails, flitting in twos ‘n’ fours. Orange vests - the whole world stopped still. They don’t ...
- 09 Aug 2013, 19:58
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Bouquet from Bingo
- Replies: 3
- Views: 11776
Re: The Bouquet from Bingo
Dear MV,
Thank you so very much! Your edits are spot on. Most appreciated.
IC
Thank you so very much! Your edits are spot on. Most appreciated.
IC
- 08 Aug 2013, 00:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ocean
- Replies: 2
- Views: 10096
Re: Ocean
Hello Antara, I bring this up as your piece was deservedly noticed but somehow not commented upon....based on my read, this is what I see in this piece...for you to consider: [Ocean, be so deep Come evening This surface so still Belies your turmoil below.] Let no eyes ever seek, That [unbecoming] Ch...
- 07 Aug 2013, 23:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Referencing: A Cinderella/Princess In The Same Culture
- Replies: 4
- Views: 12187
Re: She Enters The World Of Fantasy
Hello Siva, Based on my read, the truly standout lines about this piece is here: Each night she learns something new ...how to filter tea through a bra cup... I would encourage a rewrite around that...bearing in mind, it would be extremely hard to make something as mundane as holding a cigarette or ...
- 07 Aug 2013, 00:31
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Bouquet from Bingo
- Replies: 3
- Views: 11776
The Bouquet from Bingo
The Bouquet from Bingo In Hospice, mother recovers from heart attack - sons whisper sweet nothings. Purple iris, roses shine inside a cellophaned bouquet, from Bingo. It’s May - moths blinded by the sunset, die by the glass window. Stalks of stale tulip dissolve in a green haze - water inside the v...
- 20 Jul 2013, 17:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: lest we forget the dogs, man
- Replies: 1
- Views: 8499
Re: lest we forget the dogs, man
Dear Billy, I think the 'meat' of the poem is in these lines: But I was a child of the tube the perfect white family Father Knows Best Leave It To Beaver Roy Rogers Superman the American dream justice for all, man but who were the all? I hear the dogs barking in the distance, man do you hear them? t...
- 20 Jul 2013, 01:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Our past present and futureS ARE written on palm many thosan
- Replies: 3
- Views: 12622
Re: The Birthing of Snakes
Dear SivaRamanathan, I am not so sure this is working yet. Without a doubt, it's difficult material you are handling here! With that said, the manner in which the material is rendered, makes the reading harder and dims, must I say, the brilliance of the trope. I feel the poem is circular in premise,...
- 19 Jul 2013, 00:10
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Trunkshow (for all seasons)
- Replies: 3
- Views: 11263
Re: Trunkshow (for all seasons)
Dear MV... "Victorio's Secret" ...the title: good play, aligned with the overall tone, yet, going by the subject, alone, may be reconsidered for something like say The Guardians that may not prepare the reader in the same vein...besides, what the poem reveals is no secret in the same sense as Victor...
- 17 Jul 2013, 20:35
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Rattle Road
- Replies: 1
- Views: 7718
Rattle Road
Rattle Road As mist clears the dirt road shows up by the window sill - tearing a bed of wild roses in halves that never meet, unless it's pitch dark out and the road is a diamondback flicking the tongue Chi Chi Chi - jaws taut - in one straight line, ready to shoot venom into splits. Rain can kill....
- 15 Jul 2013, 18:25
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Yard in May
- Replies: 5
- Views: 15456
Re: The Yard in May
Dear Michael (MV),
Thank you much for the edits. The pieces are so much the better with your suggests. I appreciate it. IC
Thank you much for the edits. The pieces are so much the better with your suggests. I appreciate it. IC
- 14 Jul 2013, 03:35
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: started as a semi-sonnet, but extended via the conceit
- Replies: 4
- Views: 14327
Re: started as a semi-sonnet, but extended via the conceit
Dear Michael (MV)...please consider: "the holy hounding / on the arena green" {another title} [m] (M)y youth is not lost Atlantis (-) [not bone-buried] this is how I grieve(:) [full-bodied to heighten and even overwhelm the overcome the flesh still sensates and resonates endowment from the soul for ...
- 14 Jul 2013, 03:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Dry Dock Road
- Replies: 10
- Views: 26004
Re: Dry Dock Road
Dear Frank...please consider: [Again] I ride the mist [filled roads] to the sounds of [the] morning(.) [tugs [that pull] (U) nwilling [vessels] (ships) [laboriously] (pull) against the [turning] tide . [/b] My wheels crin[c](k)le along with the ripple of the hard rubber bands that circle my metal [t...
- 14 Jul 2013, 02:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Yard in May
- Replies: 5
- Views: 15456
Re: The Yard in May
Thanks, Billy. Appreciate the crit. Iap
- 13 Jul 2013, 08:13
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Guernica
- Replies: 3
- Views: 11904
Re: Guernica
Dear Billy, I like this even though it explains a known masterpiece...sometimes that's important...like interpreting the sun, like explaining the meaning of a moon battered by a storm. I like the poem for it's almost absent stance....in not trying to drown a master's craft the poem holds a candle to...
- 13 Jul 2013, 07:31
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Elm Tree
- Replies: 2
- Views: 10877
Re: The Elm Tree
Dear Marcus... Methinks the poem we have here might be hard to salvage. That said, you may try working with some lines that stand out: [The] Dead elm standing [in the ground No more such life ever to be found Wanting, crying, to end the strife But forever falls, no more such life] A single leaf , [a...
- 13 Jul 2013, 06:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Yard in May
- Replies: 5
- Views: 15456
The Yard in May
The Yard in May The tulips are gone sunflowers, azaleas, gone welcome daisies. Lugging sacks of loam I leave the door open for flies to out sing the chimes. Weedy dirt patch yields easy to rakes, hoes, axes thinking of flowers. Petunias, dour in pink plastic jars, shoot into the broken ground. Worms...