Search found 71 matches

by dyerfrank
26 Mar 2014, 02:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mango and Guava
Replies: 4
Views: 5580

Re: Mango and Guava

To me your poem brought back to my memory our life in the tropics, living on the equator and our garden full of mango and quava trees and I remember the thuds that seems to go on all night long. So your poem worked it elicitated a response in me. I thak you for that, the poem needs a lot of work, ov...
by dyerfrank
25 Mar 2014, 03:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Editing
Replies: 4
Views: 5379

Re: Editing

You offered [proffered] words like 'Dieu Culinaire,' and 'Nourriture Divine,' I scooped up Diviyya Prasadam; [over punctuated imho - no need for a semi colon it is a poem for goodness sake!] The warm milk that filled our cups. [no need to explain the warm milk, if follows on that it is diviyya prasa...
by dyerfrank
16 Mar 2014, 23:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Delusion - version 3
Replies: 4
Views: 5749

Delusion - version 3

He cried for two nights His dad told me down the line. When he came on voice impersonal, distant, trying to be brave I wanted to wipe his tears, gently, as I do when he stays the week, knowing not to say much 'Grandpa told me!' he had told his dad his voice a quaver 'and I didn't believe him and now...
by dyerfrank
11 Mar 2014, 03:48
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: The Easing
Replies: 0
Views: 2284

The Easing

Staff swarmed over the engines spaces, some stood in pristine white wearing deck shoes that resembled daps, but who cared the vessel was not yet ready to move. The fats ones, mostly serious with a steely suicidal look moved fast their tiny legs running in their black shoes, caps offset for effect. Y...
by dyerfrank
11 Mar 2014, 03:47
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: The Easing
Replies: 0
Views: 2313

The Easing

Staff swarmed over the engines spaces, some stood in pristine white wearing deck shoes that resembled daps, but who cared the vessel was not yet ready to move. The fats ones, mostly serious with a steely suicidal look moved fast their tiny legs running in their black shoes, caps offset for effect. Y...
by dyerfrank
04 Mar 2014, 23:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Sweeper - version 3
Replies: 2
Views: 4268

The Sweeper - version 3

Herman spoke loudly as if he were in a cave and we sat a hundred feet away Deploring the natives, despising their ways He gulped his cold beer, longing for Prussian streets, paved and swept Our barman nodded bravely as if he understood His hair pressed flat and sleek on his brown head, perfumed sweat
by dyerfrank
04 Mar 2014, 22:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: "reacting to Hoffman's last scene"
Replies: 4
Views: 4290

Re: "reacting to Hoffman's last scene"

Unusual for Michael, a long poem, It looks profound at first glance, let us see!



.
by dyerfrank
03 Mar 2014, 23:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A poem by Meena Kandaswamy for dyerfrank and Spizolli
Replies: 6
Views: 7291

Re: A poem by Meena Kandaswamy for dyerfrank and Spizolli

Well, Meena Kandaswamy is going to be a great poet if she is not already so. I encourage everyone to use their own type of English when they write, lingua franka, or Patois if you like with all its peculiar oddities and puzzling delights. Yet English must make sense and I doubt if a genuine Patois w...
by dyerfrank
03 Mar 2014, 22:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Critiques Needed - New Poetry
Replies: 0
Views: 2959

Re: Critiques Needed - New Poetry

You have been very honest and answering to your plea I will treat you with as a genuine poet or a genuine attempt at poetry. We all felt green and I personally still feel green and make the most awful blunders. So assuming you are not sure about iambic and double beats and end rhyming, the type of p...
by dyerfrank
02 Mar 2014, 23:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A poem by Meena Kandaswamy for dyerfrank and Spizolli
Replies: 6
Views: 7291

Re: A poem by Meena Kandaswamy for dyerfrank and Spizolli

Can't improve, perfect as it is. Is it personal? I hope not, I try not to be personal. Its almost as if you are 2 people Siva, the difference in skill in your poems. This isn't a forum for personality clashes, its for critique... that's all it is and enjoyment of course.
by dyerfrank
02 Mar 2014, 23:55
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Introspection
Replies: 7
Views: 6702

Re: Introspection

Final edit Lounging in a racing Lancer I see distant trees darken with night, [darken in the evening light or closing light-suggestion] a bracket of serial bulbs - upon [upon] closer [inspection] - the outline of a long hooked nose; [then] suddenly lights magnified [magnify] on the mountain blazing ...
by dyerfrank
01 Mar 2014, 01:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Introspection
Replies: 7
Views: 6702

Re: Introspection

Lounging in a racing Landsor I see the trees dark with the night and in a distance a bracket of serial lights. [Should be 'In the distance' Coming closer it is the outline ['It is' or 'You see'?] of a long and hooked nose; soon [no and necessary, 'I see a long hooked nose.'] the lights are magnified...
by dyerfrank
27 Feb 2014, 23:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Of Petticoats and Bicycles
Replies: 2
Views: 4347

Of Petticoats and Bicycles

His hand tapped the table
Dissolutely he spoke of wanting
wanton in his thoughts
A yearning that could not be satisfied
by dyerfrank
21 Feb 2014, 22:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Road
Replies: 6
Views: 7548

Re: The Dry Dock Road

Many thanks both for reading and commenting. I shall take your recommendations under consideration.
by dyerfrank
21 Feb 2014, 04:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Road
Replies: 6
Views: 7548

Road

The Road was long and dark
from a warm bed past the mist shrouded weir
past the river bridge
into the yard

Hospital lights flickered in the dawn
men dying as my journey began
After clocking in and fending
off the timekeeper's c
by dyerfrank
17 Feb 2014, 02:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Fake Streets
Replies: 2
Views: 3276

Re: Fake Streets

I have attempted not to respond to this poem, but it seems I have failed in that. I see no new work on the forum so your is the only one left. Is it a rant poem against rap? Seems like it. It uses rap to beat up rap, novel undertaking. But more than that its a rave with a moral tone. It must be a ra...
by dyerfrank
17 Feb 2014, 02:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A death in the Family (Poem: Need Reviews)
Replies: 6
Views: 6703

Re: A death in the Family (Poem: Need Reviews)

Thanks for the explanation, I still don't get it. You don't have to suck up to reviewers, we may be absolutely wrong in our assessment and often we are. You don't have to explain you are new to poetry all you have to do is take in some reader's view of your work, that's about it. I don't know much a...
by dyerfrank
16 Feb 2014, 17:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: To my Love
Replies: 1
Views: 2689

Re: To my Love

Hammer-strong hands hasten to help. [help whom I wonder] Shouldering the tiresome, [propping up the tiresome... the plodder?] the plodding While comforts all others seek. [While? don't get this, do you mean 'which'] Sandpaper hands, grit 24 Snag silk and fumble over fallen petals. Yet, unyielding to...
by dyerfrank
16 Feb 2014, 17:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: A death in the Family (Poem: Need Reviews)
Replies: 6
Views: 6703

Re: A death in the Family (Poem: Need Reviews)

As much as I like your attempt to write a poem about death and the ensuing funeral I dislike some of the words you use and the way you place them. Its not so much my view on things and how they should be done but to question your grammar and English usage in places. We all love originality, but in p...
by dyerfrank
15 Feb 2014, 03:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: "The One / law of averages"
Replies: 5
Views: 6045

Re: "The One / law of averages"

It seems to me this poem has been reworked, but you don't say so. I read it again and see it as new. I am captivated by some of the things you say. Not only is it different to your normal style it is with much merit. I don't get the statistical referenc ein the title howeevr but move on to a more de...
by dyerfrank
15 Feb 2014, 03:19
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dear Mother-In-law
Replies: 5
Views: 5583

Re: Dear Mother-In-law

I liked it, I like most of your work. Your English language skills are improving, your presentation becoming more ordered easier to read. Probably you could write a book which would be facinating to the western reader. It is a window on an ancient civilisation and culture - religion practice - famil...
by dyerfrank
15 Feb 2014, 03:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Painting (Need Reviews)
Replies: 5
Views: 5700

Re: The Painting (Need Reviews)

Best wishes on your stay on this forum then, hope you keep posting.
by dyerfrank
14 Feb 2014, 15:05
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Painting (Need Reviews)
Replies: 5
Views: 5700

Re: Feed back on he author's reply to my review

Honesty can be savage. What is more important is does the reviewer intend to hurt, to be savage, trite or pedantic. Reviewers are as crocked as the authors of poems. Some so-called poets are nothing but trolls, posting rubbish work to tell their pals how they wound up so and so forum. That's not the...
by dyerfrank
14 Feb 2014, 14:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
Replies: 15
Views: 44140

Re: Ann marie eldon

In my living memory it has always been ratio 3:1 please

I noticed Ann's post today and it struck me does she have a dead memory? If she had said 'in living memory' we can understand that, but 'her living memory' seems to suggest she has a dead memory, if so how does she access it, through a medium?
by dyerfrank
14 Feb 2014, 04:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Drilling Crew at Rest
Replies: 3
Views: 4094

Drilling Crew at Rest

Tired, we sat grouped around the pot belly Legs akimbo, sprawled, resting on the carpeted table we sipped Genever some liked sugar stirred in with a silver spoon The stove emitted a splutter a flame wandered out of a crevice in the cast iron, fluttering like an angel's wing Keeping us focused for th...