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by BobBradshaw
15 Jul 2016, 22:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Longfellow
Replies: 4
Views: 2896

Longfellow

Longfellow Henry awoke to you racing towards him, Fanny, your summer dress a fury of flames. He would rather be mauled by wild dogs than face that night again, and blames himself for not saving you, his wounds minor: hands burned, his neck disfigured. To this day he hides his facial scars with a bea...
by BobBradshaw
15 Jul 2016, 01:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dry Stone Walls of Wales
Replies: 2
Views: 2322

Re: The Mine

This poem has a potential much like your wonderful poem 'Trousered Women'. It just needs to be trimmed down For example, the first stanza can be cut down to something like the lines below...Sometimes more details dilute the impact. I wouldn't count words or syllables as you trim the lines. Don't wor...
by BobBradshaw
07 Jul 2016, 00:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Monsoon Moment
Replies: 8
Views: 4863

Re: Monsoon Moment

I miss Bernie! What a talent!
by BobBradshaw
07 Jul 2016, 00:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Dress Code
Replies: 1
Views: 1905

Re: Dress Code

The simple, conversational language is a joy. But I don't think the poem has found an ending yet that is as good as the rest of the poem. Keep working on it. The opening three stanzas are stellar. They set the tone and subject. 'We read Bob Dylan' is a great line.
by BobBradshaw
07 Jul 2016, 00:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Lullaby I never sang, My Child
Replies: 2
Views: 2333

Re: The Lullaby I never sang, My Child

I like this poem, its emotions, its honesty. It has many nice lines. The repetition of 'my child', though, is too much for me. It's distracting. Maybe you could consider reducing the 'my child' refrain to just two lines. I would suggest the first and last lines. Just something to think about. My onl...
by BobBradshaw
07 Jul 2016, 00:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Monsoon Moment
Replies: 8
Views: 4863

Re: Monsoon Moment

Thanks for explaining your goals, Frank. I actually adore the last stanza, although you may need to note 'hiraeth' somewhere outside the poem. Maybe you could remove these 3 lines: Are you there? Yes, I'm here. The cameo fades out like a John Ford film, and go with something like this: The monsoon t...
by BobBradshaw
06 Jul 2016, 21:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Monsoon Moment
Replies: 8
Views: 4863

Re: Monsoon Moment

I like the details, and how you immerse us in a different setting, as in A warm wind washes the forecourt, condapana palms sway in Old Bombay, lithe dresses on a line. and this is a very sweet stanza: From across the buildings, the light of his room framed by the darkness, a young man sits, seemingl...
by BobBradshaw
06 Jul 2016, 21:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: An Anachronism
Replies: 8
Views: 4533

Re: An Anachronism

Frank has helped you quite a bit. I like the poem. I have a few minor suggestions. I would remove the lines: notwithstanding an avarice insatiable and As a chosen pleasure, dissipated peace with a fervour. Replace 'feet' with 'footing' in 'She did not find her feet'... and remove 'Like not to be in ...
by BobBradshaw
06 Jul 2016, 21:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Whale Shark
Replies: 6
Views: 3737

Re: Whale Shark

Thanks, everyone, for replying and commenting. I will seriously consider some of the ideas. Michael, your suggestions make the poem more immediate, and I will take you up on one or more of them. Best, Bob
by BobBradshaw
06 Jul 2016, 01:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Whale Shark
Replies: 6
Views: 3737

Whale Shark

Whale Shark Whale Shark My big brother swam above me, his frog legs gently kicking. He was like a balloon drifting towards a zeppelin. He pointed wildly towards this slow grazer, a dappled reef. Her maw big as a tub. He longed to grab her dorsal fin, to fly behind her like a sports pennant. He gestu...
by BobBradshaw
02 Jul 2016, 01:50
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:
Replies: 23
Views: 9463

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:

Michael, 'Beethoven's Embrace' is the poem that I would like forwarded.

Thx again, Bob
by BobBradshaw
01 Jul 2016, 03:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: 3 Mother In Her Old Age
Replies: 2
Views: 2363

Re: 3 Mother In Her Old Age

This is a lovely poem. It's honest, and very moving.
by BobBradshaw
01 Jul 2016, 03:29
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:
Replies: 23
Views: 9463

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:

I would like to second Meena's poem 'Arockiyam, My Driver', if that is allowed. Thx
by BobBradshaw
01 Jul 2016, 03:23
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:
Replies: 23
Views: 9463

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:

A question....how does one normally find the upcoming ibpc nominations page? You gave me a link for this month, but I wouldn't know where to look for the next month's.

Thx, Bob
by BobBradshaw
01 Jul 2016, 03:21
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:
Replies: 23
Views: 9463

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:

Thanks, Michael. I prefer 'Beethoven's Embrace'. I think I'm required to provide these 6 bits of information: /Your name - Bob Bradshaw 2/e-mail address - bobbybradshw@yahoo.com 3/statement that the poem is your original - yes, it's original 4/and unpublished work - and unpublished 5/and that you ar...
by BobBradshaw
01 Jul 2016, 00:49
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:
Replies: 23
Views: 9463

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2016:

Thanks, Michael. I am interested. I'm pleased that you are considering one of my poems. Best....
by BobBradshaw
29 Jun 2016, 23:50
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: My Garden Cooled Her Heels
Replies: 8
Views: 5851

Re: My Garden Cooled Her Heels

Thanks, Michael....I have incorporated your suggestion 'For weeks....'. Best, Bob
by BobBradshaw
28 Jun 2016, 23:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Lily Of The Desert.
Replies: 7
Views: 4257

Re: The Lily Of The Desert.

This is a lovely poem. It needs to be tidied up, but it's quite close. I would remove the first stanza. It isn't necessary, and is the weakest stanza in the poem. The other stanzas exhibit such lovely writing, requiring only some tweaks here and there. I love this last stanza, especially the last li...
by BobBradshaw
28 Jun 2016, 22:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Removed
Replies: 4
Views: 2945

Re: Gwilym

I like the ambition of this poem, and especially these lines: I’m told he spoke of Festubert, Somme, Arras and Cambrai as if they were villages higher up in the valley. The poem would have more impact if it was broken up into several poems. There are too many characters to follow. I would stick with...
by BobBradshaw
28 Jun 2016, 22:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Echocardiogram
Replies: 14
Views: 6678

Re: Echocardiogram

I love the sounds of this poem, the alliteration, the assonance. It's a lot of fun.
by BobBradshaw
28 Jun 2016, 22:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven's Embrace
Replies: 3
Views: 3048

Re: Beethoven's Embrace

Thanks, Michael.

You're right. I have been amiss in commenting on others' poems. I will do better.

Thank you for your generous comments on 'Beethoven's Embrace'. Browning was a favorite of mine in college, and I still admire his work immensely.

I have read the guidelines.
by BobBradshaw
28 Jun 2016, 02:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: My Garden Cooled Her Heels
Replies: 8
Views: 5851

Re: My Garden Cooled Her Heels

Sorry, Frankly....I just didn't notice it.
by BobBradshaw
28 Jun 2016, 02:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Looking Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Himself
Replies: 9
Views: 4915

Re: Looking Back at the Night Van Gogh Shot Himself

Thanks, Frankly. I appreciate all poets taking the time to comment. Thx for your honest opinions.
by BobBradshaw
26 Jun 2016, 20:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: My Garden Cooled Her Heels
Replies: 8
Views: 5851

Re: My Garden Cooled Her Heels

Thanks, Michael. Your suggestion is a good one. Best, Bob

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