Search found 131 matches

by judyt547
19 Oct 2019, 05:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: fugitive
Replies: 9
Views: 18388

fugitive

fugitive wrapped in an old sweater, sitting on the porch, she saw him drive by, stop; watched him watch her then roll down his window as if to speak she never moved he finally rolled up the window drove away slowly; feeling colder, she went inside careful to latch the door behind her when he drove b...
by judyt547
19 Oct 2019, 04:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Coming Clean
Replies: 3
Views: 8502

Re: Coming Clean

oh, I do the same thing. That's before the magic starts, but you gotta get it down, or it's gone forever. Sometimes I put the thing away, face down, and when it's time I take it out and start to scrub it. It's almost always a surprise. And that's half the fun.
by judyt547
19 Oct 2019, 03:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: You Can't Rid a Room of an Elephant
Replies: 8
Views: 17443

Re: You Can't Rid a Room of an Elephant

Agreed. Well presented. My only nit (and it's a suggestion, nothing more) is the first stanza. At the very least, not mention the 'addiction', let your reader discover it for themselves. Why is the elephant a "she"? (just curious) I'd be inclined to just keep the first line, lose the next three, and...
by judyt547
18 Oct 2019, 17:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Coming Clean
Replies: 3
Views: 8502

Re: Coming Clean

I like where this is heading, but it seems (at least to me) not there yet. The second line is distracting. Do we need to know your son's name? How about something less invasive, i.e., "I called my son." Maybe quotes around the second stanza. Quotes (or even just italics to show a different speaker) ...
by judyt547
18 Oct 2019, 17:22
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Letter
Replies: 7
Views: 14803

Re: The Letter

oh my. thank you. I really wasn't expecting that (but who am i to argue, right)
by judyt547
18 Oct 2019, 06:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trees of Winter
Replies: 10
Views: 19336

Re: Trees of Winter

Instead of "holed up" which to me reads like something "holed up" in a burrow,
how about "bunched up" or "huddled together". Anything to imply that thing we
do when we're cold...
It's the word "holed" that threw me. Ah, Iove this language, lol
by judyt547
18 Oct 2019, 05:26
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Letter
Replies: 7
Views: 14803

The Letter

The Letter Got There Too Late I’m the half a loaf girl who settled for what she could get instead of waiting for what she wanted the girl you took home when nobody was home and your wife was out of town or the one you visited when you had a fight and she kicked you out The only movies I ever saw wer...
by judyt547
18 Oct 2019, 04:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Up on the Zambesi Copper Belt Escarpment
Replies: 4
Views: 11335

Re: Up on the Zambesi Copper Belt Escarpment

Cool. I think it needs to be clearer that this is a memory.
Make it the first two lines of the poem, in some way.
That clarifies the whole thing.
by judyt547
17 Oct 2019, 17:44
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Neighbor
Replies: 10
Views: 18307

Re: The Neighbor

Lol, thanks. They were our next neighbors, so it wasn't unusual to encounter him walking down our driveway, buck naked, shaved to a faretheewell, as morose a being as you could find. It's funny now, but it was a bit creepy at the time. And I felt sorry for him but no, I did not give naked men rides ...
by judyt547
17 Oct 2019, 07:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Wild Ponies
Replies: 10
Views: 17693

Re: Wild Ponies

i like this much better. "Muzzle" was a bit too weird for me, lol. oy, the images. Read this out loud, no fudging, and see if you notice rough spots. The eye can fib, but the voice, never. Fourth stanza is elegant, it's the heart of the poem. this: " listened between bites her recite the wrongs" see...
by judyt547
17 Oct 2019, 03:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Up on the Zambesi Copper Belt Escarpment
Replies: 4
Views: 11335

Re: Up on the Zambesi Copper Belt Escarpment

I like the entire second stanza, Frank. (all but "flower bower". Maybe just "flowers"?) In the first stanza the wording seems awkward: Would it read more smoothly if you used a single different word: "our infant sons sleep in their cots". "asleep" seems to require "are" with it, "sleep" can stand in...
by judyt547
17 Oct 2019, 02:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Neighbor
Replies: 10
Views: 18307

Re: The Neighbor

This, then: Survivor She says he never beats her never raises a hand in anger although he does drag her across the floor by the hair when he gets really pissed. Child-like, rubs the top of her head, "Boy does that HURT when he does it!" She giggles, then looks serious. Says he's the best thing that ...
by judyt547
17 Oct 2019, 02:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Neighbor
Replies: 10
Views: 18307

Re: The Neighbor

Thanks, Frank. Way way back in the late 90s, when there were a number of poetry crit boards, this one and Gazebo were the premiere places to post. I was a worker bee here for about a year, and truly burnt out as to crits. It was a fast moving board in those days, I do recall that. I don't really lik...
by judyt547
16 Oct 2019, 16:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Neighbor
Replies: 10
Views: 18307

Re: The Neighbor

thank you both. Bob, you're dead right about the psych ward, and for me, that's enough to show that she's off balance but still functional. She turns herself in. That's pretty basic. =) I'll see what I can do about giving the cats some life. (Thinking about fleshing her out). You're right, she needs...
by judyt547
16 Oct 2019, 04:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Neighbor
Replies: 10
Views: 18307

The Neighbor

Survivor She says he never beats her never raises a hand in anger although he does drag her across the floor by the hair when he gets really pissed. Child-like, rubs the top of her head, "Boy does that HURT when he does it!" She giggles, then looks serious. Says he's the best thing that ever happene...
by judyt547
16 Oct 2019, 04:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven's Dark Moods
Replies: 7
Views: 14730

Re: Beethoven's Dark Moods

Like this, Bob; I like the imagery, the way you lead it down the page to those wonderful last two lines. However. (and you just knew there was going to be a however) The question in the second line; does it need to be a question? you could make the assumption that Beehtoven's famous deafness is well...
by judyt547
15 Oct 2019, 18:51
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Known As Chettys
Replies: 9
Views: 18227

Re: Known As Chettys

Meenas, I think there are some extraneous bits that could be removed, and possibly tighten up the lines here and there: one way to do that is to start with the bare bones: cut out all but the meat, making it as spare as possible, and then add only what's needed for clarity . Sometimes we want to put...
by judyt547
15 Oct 2019, 18:25
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
Replies: 13
Views: 24135

Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me

(Fainting dead away in relief) The general rule of thumb, as always: take what you like, discard the rest. And sometimes your ideas and my ideas turn into something better than either. Red and blue make purple. =) Yes, let it sit for a day or two; it's still your words, just rearranged a tad. And af...
by judyt547
15 Oct 2019, 06:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
Replies: 13
Views: 24135

Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me

Okay, here goes: I love the idea of proposing to Emily. But I agree, I think you have too much horse talk in there. Maybe collapse it a bit. Let the reader make the connections without spelling it all out. I'd start here: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me Today I saw wild mares in the hills moving in unison...
by judyt547
15 Oct 2019, 06:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
Replies: 15
Views: 85148

Re: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted

(Smiles.)Me too. I like to establish a dialog with another poet, why he said this, or why he cut that short--sometimes just discussing what and how helps stir things up in the brain, a bit.
by judyt547
14 Oct 2019, 05:36
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
Replies: 15
Views: 85148

Re: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted

Perhaps the poets themselves could offer an honest clue as to what they expect from those who crit them... i.e., if someone just wants to see their name and poem, and maybe a mild dusting "Nice work, could use some tweaking..." or something a bit more sharp, "This reads well, but some of the lines a...
by judyt547
03 Oct 2019, 03:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Trees of Winter
Replies: 10
Views: 19336

Re: Trees of Winter

Billy, I like the images in this, but the first line reads awkwardly to me--"A mob or a single tree" seems a confusing way to put it, and Im not sure what you're saying, there. "or' seems the wrong word-- Just a suggestion, if you're talking about several trees, something like "A mob of single trees...
by judyt547
03 Oct 2019, 00:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
Replies: 15
Views: 85148

Re: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted

I don't necessarily believe in platitudes at all, but some people are often more comforted by them than they are by the knife-and-fork approach to critiques. It can be difficult to sort out who wants what, at least at an early read. And when you see "nice poem! Good work!" in post after post you won...
by judyt547
11 Oct 2013, 15:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: He Races Up The Stairs
Replies: 10
Views: 21474

Re: He Races Up The Stairs (overthinking once again)

billy, i like this too, although some of the word choices make me stumble--someone once said (and accurately so) if a word jumps out at you in a poem, it distracts from the flow; in this case I'm uncomfortable with the word "scoots' -- which in its own way is correct, "Scoot over here and let me see...