New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

Fair enough, but we gotta start somewhere. First thing I've written in five years. =)

When you finally realize
that smelling the roses
means finding thorns hidden
under the leaves
you no longer stop by the side of the road
to pick them
although, to be fair,
sometimes you do roll down the window
for just a whiff
as you speed on by

Billy, I agree, the last line might be one line too many.
You have to trust your reader to fill in the blanks, sometimes,
and by doing that they make the poem their own.

oh much much better.

Agreed. The tenses and language need to be attended to, as well.


retinue/keeps not retinue-keep

"even lesser closely taken note with timings' simply doesn't compute

I'd say we need to know where you're coming from with this to know where
you're headed...

Someone reminded me once, quite sharply, that philosophical questions that take a reader nowhere are more distracting than helpful in a poem. Make it a statement, or don't make it. And it has to make sense, in a realistic way, that when you enter the world of a goldfish you are working in a very sma...

Thanks, Frank. These are old(er) poems, but they've never been through the revision wringer and there is no way to know outside of my own spidey-sense about them, if they work or not. I'm pacing myself, yes, and thank you for the reminder. I like to see a busy board, it means things are churning, an...

Too long, too wordy. Basically it's a short story with linebreaks. I'd cut out the explanations and digressions, the medical asides. There's a poem in here, but it's kinda hidden. =) Just keep it to the neighbors, short and limited. ask yourself, does this move the poem further along or are we just ...

I like the last two stanzas, the first two don't really seem to belong
to the rest. The word "gratuitous" rears its ugly head...
Maybe no comma after "rooms".

I love the image of "someone's hallelujah struggles to rise",
that could be a dynamite first line. =)

aww. thanks. It's been years since I've done anything with this stuff,
and while I'm not writing much now, I can still appreciate what other people do.
And enjoying the tango doesn't go away just because you can't dance anymore,
does it. Nor should it.

nice flow, meenas. two nits: "command-like" is a combo word, it takes a dash.
the other, "twenty and so years" reads better as "twenty or so years".

I think chapbooks are wonderful, but it also takes a huge amount of creative energy to get one together. Maybe this winter, i''ll give it another go. Just nag me, okay...=) (Siva, no poem is truly fictional, there's always (at least for me) a bit of my own marrow and skin in it) Glad you like it, Bo...

Neighbors Your windows face mine across the street I see your curtains open in the morning when I open mine to let the light in and on good summer days our windows lie open all day to catch the air In the afternoon sometimes I see you walking home from work and know what kind of day its been from th...

sorry hon. sometimes I get carried away

I like this, it reads like a very old medieval chant...

however.

I think it might scan better if you eliminated the "a" in the second line,
and added "Summoning" instead summon to the third one. Read it out loud.
See if it works better.

It might be time to put it away for a few days, let it marinate, and then come back to it.
Too easy to overwork it, and lose what you have in the process.

Or a slightly different spin: "how grateful/ those other folks are/-- or should be."

The truth dressed up in a fine poem. This one hurts, doesn't it.

Oh, this is elegant. It just slides down the page, no stumbles. Bravo, bravo.

(I do think "on the floor" gives a better meaning than "in". Suddenly I see him trapped between floorboards...)

Thanks Siva. No, I don't, but it's always nice to hear, anyway.

Two really excellent poems, and I congratulate both of you for whisking away first and second place.
Bravo, bravo. Both poems, very powerful. Hugs to you both...

Done and done. That's why I leave it wide open to interpretation (evil grin there)--we all get to put in our own sinister thoughts. I read it as the old boyfriend coming back after too long away after the row to end all rows-- and she threw him out--or he walked-- now he's back to try to make up. On...

yep, love the neat reaization, that 'waittt a minnit..." feeling, and the end...

MV, thank you. NOW I know what the title means. Always did wonder about that.

Thanks, MV: I didn't add in any reasons why, I wanted to let the reader fill in their own blanks. Too much information can sometimes push the reader away, as a viewer, rather than a participant. I do like "pulled away slowly" and the amazingly subtle difference. It seems much more sinister. fugitive...