Search found 71 matches
- 26 Mar 2014, 02:40
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Mango and Guava
- Replies: 4
- Views: 12094
Re: Mango and Guava
To me your poem brought back to my memory our life in the tropics, living on the equator and our garden full of mango and quava trees and I remember the thuds that seems to go on all night long. So your poem worked it elicitated a response in me. I thak you for that, the poem needs a lot of work, ov...
- 25 Mar 2014, 03:57
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Editing
- Replies: 4
- Views: 12719
Re: Editing
You offered [proffered] words like 'Dieu Culinaire,' and 'Nourriture Divine,' I scooped up Diviyya Prasadam; [over punctuated imho - no need for a semi colon it is a poem for goodness sake!] The warm milk that filled our cups. [no need to explain the warm milk, if follows on that it is diviyya prasa...
- 16 Mar 2014, 23:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Delusion - version 3
- Replies: 4
- Views: 12810
Delusion - version 3
He cried for two nights His dad told me down the line. When he came on voice impersonal, distant, trying to be brave I wanted to wipe his tears, gently, as I do when he stays the week, knowing not to say much 'Grandpa told me!' he had told his dad his voice a quaver 'and I didn't believe him and now...
- 11 Mar 2014, 03:48
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: The Easing
- Replies: 0
- Views: 5052
The Easing
Staff swarmed over the engines spaces, some stood in pristine white wearing deck shoes that resembled daps, but who cared the vessel was not yet ready to move. The fats ones, mostly serious with a steely suicidal look moved fast their tiny legs running in their black shoes, caps offset for effect. Y...
- 11 Mar 2014, 03:47
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: The Easing
- Replies: 0
- Views: 5162
The Easing
Staff swarmed over the engines spaces, some stood in pristine white wearing deck shoes that resembled daps, but who cared the vessel was not yet ready to move. The fats ones, mostly serious with a steely suicidal look moved fast their tiny legs running in their black shoes, caps offset for effect. Y...
- 04 Mar 2014, 23:09
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Sweeper - version 3
- Replies: 2
- Views: 9453
The Sweeper - version 3
Herman spoke loudly as if he were in a cave and we sat a hundred feet away Deploring the natives, despising their ways He gulped his cold beer, longing for Prussian streets, paved and swept Our barman nodded bravely as if he understood His hair pressed flat and sleek on his brown head, perfumed sweat
- 04 Mar 2014, 22:55
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: "reacting to Hoffman's last scene"
- Replies: 4
- Views: 10259
Re: "reacting to Hoffman's last scene"
Unusual for Michael, a long poem, It looks profound at first glance, let us see!
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- 03 Mar 2014, 23:06
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A poem by Meena Kandaswamy for dyerfrank and Spizolli
- Replies: 6
- Views: 15545
Re: A poem by Meena Kandaswamy for dyerfrank and Spizolli
Well, Meena Kandaswamy is going to be a great poet if she is not already so. I encourage everyone to use their own type of English when they write, lingua franka, or Patois if you like with all its peculiar oddities and puzzling delights. Yet English must make sense and I doubt if a genuine Patois w...
- 03 Mar 2014, 22:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Critiques Needed - New Poetry
- Replies: 0
- Views: 5980
Re: Critiques Needed - New Poetry
You have been very honest and answering to your plea I will treat you with as a genuine poet or a genuine attempt at poetry. We all felt green and I personally still feel green and make the most awful blunders. So assuming you are not sure about iambic and double beats and end rhyming, the type of p...
- 02 Mar 2014, 23:59
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A poem by Meena Kandaswamy for dyerfrank and Spizolli
- Replies: 6
- Views: 15545
Re: A poem by Meena Kandaswamy for dyerfrank and Spizolli
Can't improve, perfect as it is. Is it personal? I hope not, I try not to be personal. Its almost as if you are 2 people Siva, the difference in skill in your poems. This isn't a forum for personality clashes, its for critique... that's all it is and enjoyment of course.
- 02 Mar 2014, 23:55
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Introspection
- Replies: 7
- Views: 15259
Re: Introspection
Final edit Lounging in a racing Lancer I see distant trees darken with night, [darken in the evening light or closing light-suggestion] a bracket of serial bulbs - upon [upon] closer [inspection] - the outline of a long hooked nose; [then] suddenly lights magnified [magnify] on the mountain blazing ...
- 01 Mar 2014, 01:57
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Introspection
- Replies: 7
- Views: 15259
Re: Introspection
Lounging in a racing Landsor I see the trees dark with the night and in a distance a bracket of serial lights. [Should be 'In the distance' Coming closer it is the outline ['It is' or 'You see'?] of a long and hooked nose; soon [no and necessary, 'I see a long hooked nose.'] the lights are magnified...
- 27 Feb 2014, 23:52
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Of Petticoats and Bicycles
- Replies: 2
- Views: 9528
Of Petticoats and Bicycles
His hand tapped the table
Dissolutely he spoke of wanting
wanton in his thoughts
A yearning that could not be satisfied
Dissolutely he spoke of wanting
wanton in his thoughts
A yearning that could not be satisfied
- 21 Feb 2014, 22:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Road
- Replies: 6
- Views: 17906
Re: The Dry Dock Road
Many thanks both for reading and commenting. I shall take your recommendations under consideration.
- 21 Feb 2014, 04:00
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Road
- Replies: 6
- Views: 17906
Road
The Road was long and dark
from a warm bed past the mist shrouded weir
past the river bridge
into the yard
Hospital lights flickered in the dawn
men dying as my journey began
After clocking in and fending
off the timekeeper's c
from a warm bed past the mist shrouded weir
past the river bridge
into the yard
Hospital lights flickered in the dawn
men dying as my journey began
After clocking in and fending
off the timekeeper's c
- 17 Feb 2014, 02:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Fake Streets
- Replies: 2
- Views: 7627
Re: Fake Streets
I have attempted not to respond to this poem, but it seems I have failed in that. I see no new work on the forum so your is the only one left. Is it a rant poem against rap? Seems like it. It uses rap to beat up rap, novel undertaking. But more than that its a rave with a moral tone. It must be a ra...
- 17 Feb 2014, 02:42
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A death in the Family (Poem: Need Reviews)
- Replies: 6
- Views: 15090
Re: A death in the Family (Poem: Need Reviews)
Thanks for the explanation, I still don't get it. You don't have to suck up to reviewers, we may be absolutely wrong in our assessment and often we are. You don't have to explain you are new to poetry all you have to do is take in some reader's view of your work, that's about it. I don't know much a...
- 16 Feb 2014, 17:43
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: To my Love
- Replies: 1
- Views: 6151
Re: To my Love
Hammer-strong hands hasten to help. [help whom I wonder] Shouldering the tiresome, [propping up the tiresome... the plodder?] the plodding While comforts all others seek. [While? don't get this, do you mean 'which'] Sandpaper hands, grit 24 Snag silk and fumble over fallen petals. Yet, unyielding to...
- 16 Feb 2014, 17:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A death in the Family (Poem: Need Reviews)
- Replies: 6
- Views: 15090
Re: A death in the Family (Poem: Need Reviews)
As much as I like your attempt to write a poem about death and the ensuing funeral I dislike some of the words you use and the way you place them. Its not so much my view on things and how they should be done but to question your grammar and English usage in places. We all love originality, but in p...
- 15 Feb 2014, 03:41
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: "The One / law of averages"
- Replies: 5
- Views: 13305
Re: "The One / law of averages"
It seems to me this poem has been reworked, but you don't say so. I read it again and see it as new. I am captivated by some of the things you say. Not only is it different to your normal style it is with much merit. I don't get the statistical referenc ein the title howeevr but move on to a more de...
- 15 Feb 2014, 03:19
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Dear Mother-In-law
- Replies: 5
- Views: 13070
Re: Dear Mother-In-law
I liked it, I like most of your work. Your English language skills are improving, your presentation becoming more ordered easier to read. Probably you could write a book which would be facinating to the western reader. It is a window on an ancient civilisation and culture - religion practice - famil...
- 15 Feb 2014, 03:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Painting (Need Reviews)
- Replies: 5
- Views: 13440
Re: The Painting (Need Reviews)
Best wishes on your stay on this forum then, hope you keep posting.
- 14 Feb 2014, 15:05
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Painting (Need Reviews)
- Replies: 5
- Views: 13440
Re: Feed back on he author's reply to my review
Honesty can be savage. What is more important is does the reviewer intend to hurt, to be savage, trite or pedantic. Reviewers are as crocked as the authors of poems. Some so-called poets are nothing but trolls, posting rubbish work to tell their pals how they wound up so and so forum. That's not the...
- 14 Feb 2014, 14:54
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ratio of Critiques to Poems Posted
- Replies: 15
- Views: 85148
Re: Ann marie eldon
In my living memory it has always been ratio 3:1 please
I noticed Ann's post today and it struck me does she have a dead memory? If she had said 'in living memory' we can understand that, but 'her living memory' seems to suggest she has a dead memory, if so how does she access it, through a medium?
I noticed Ann's post today and it struck me does she have a dead memory? If she had said 'in living memory' we can understand that, but 'her living memory' seems to suggest she has a dead memory, if so how does she access it, through a medium?
- 14 Feb 2014, 04:08
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Drilling Crew at Rest
- Replies: 3
- Views: 9115
Drilling Crew at Rest
Tired, we sat grouped around the pot belly Legs akimbo, sprawled, resting on the carpeted table we sipped Genever some liked sugar stirred in with a silver spoon The stove emitted a splutter a flame wandered out of a crevice in the cast iron, fluttering like an angel's wing Keeping us focused for th...