Search found 84 matches
- 11 Mar 2013, 02:04
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: me and her in the rain
- Replies: 6
- Views: 18735
Re: me and her in the rain
I liked this poem I don't usually like this form But, I love rain poems I almost always like them That's not to say there is no merit in this other than the rain But I think it is a poem, and I enjoyed it. I hope no one addresses me over my poor critique or invites me to be potically polite. I think...
- 11 Mar 2013, 01:58
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Painting Mrs Roth's Apt.
- Replies: 17
- Views: 37306
Re: Painting Mrs Roth's Apt.
I read the poem, I understood it. I liked it...it flowed and I continued to prise our meaning and it answered a call in me, Poetry does that. Well, good poetry does. I read a few critiques, i saw some argument. But my comment is this: Beautiful, beautiful - beautiful. Thank goodness real poets are p...
- 11 Mar 2013, 01:54
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: "fraternal instinct" (a broem)
- Replies: 5
- Views: 16189
Re: "fraternal instinct" (a broem)
Mike, you are a rascal. At least you stick to your chosen form, so brief and now you invent words. If only we apprecaited your work more.
- 11 Mar 2013, 01:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Passive aggressive heart ache
- Replies: 2
- Views: 10163
Re: Passive aggressive heart ache
Unspoken words are so absurd [cut out 'the' sounds better in my op.] [no rhyming line with absurd, but that's ok if that is what you want] They stress the soul like crazy I lock them up and give no thought [no need for 'so' cut it out keep sylable count same if poss.] Time will rend them hazy [sugge...
- 11 Mar 2013, 01:43
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Never posted for critique. A few short ones...
- Replies: 1
- Views: 8234
Re: Never posted for critique. A few short ones...
Its a poem, I just would like to follow the story and make sense of it.
- 15 Aug 2012, 01:47
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Sky Blue Convent Uniform
- Replies: 2
- Views: 12582
Re: The Sky Blue Convent Uniform
One evening I was playing, running between trees when amma came up [if Amma is used as a name, which is what you mean otherwise you would have said my amma - then the capital letter is used as in a name] with a rolled up ball of my pinafore and they came walking saying, `'Yes yes, it is the sure thi...
- 13 Aug 2012, 01:16
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
- Replies: 10
- Views: 26483
Re: Baying at the Moon edit 1
UHm Siva, the whole purpose of this forum is to encourage writers to publish thier work. In fact, one of the conditons of memebrship is that the poet is serious about his work and intends to be published. I have been posting work on here for 3 years and have one poem nominated. I find nothing wrong ...
- 12 Aug 2012, 01:59
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
- Replies: 10
- Views: 26483
Re: Baying at the Moon
Thanks both, some room for thought there from me.
I wondered if this poem is good enugh to go forward for the next IB thing?
I wondered if this poem is good enugh to go forward for the next IB thing?
- 10 Aug 2012, 03:33
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Baying at the Moon edit 2
- Replies: 10
- Views: 26483
Baying at the Moon edit 2
Change the topic What's the topic got to do with it? Change the clique Agree and grin Grin and bear it the in-crowd Only it costs to be part of them Individuality comes at a cost rapid thought processes some unstable Debate but agree to disagree a cliche They get angry mistate your views pigeon-hole...
- 10 Aug 2012, 03:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Dry Dock Road - edit 1
- Replies: 5
- Views: 17502
Re: The Dry Dock Road
My Thanks to Siva for her attention to detail,suddenly I am aware of my own shortcomings. I have been lazy in not changing the caital placed by the automatic editor. I prefer it that way but am not too sure of the convention. It is usful to know if the reader enjoyed the poem or made any sense of it...
- 08 Aug 2012, 13:21
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Incident At Spaces
- Replies: 2
- Views: 12981
Re: Incident At Spaces
A mixture of cultures here, not a bad thing, a Japanese dancer dances and is likened to a Tamil dancer dancing to his god or one of his gods. Then even stranger Moses is introduced as if the Indian subcontinent now embraces an Iraeli/Christian figure. Why not one may ask, why not indeed...only they ...
- 06 Aug 2012, 01:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: 'No Place To Sleep, No Place To Call Our Own'
- Replies: 17
- Views: 30703
Re: We Can No Longer Bury Our Dead We Have Got To Burn Them
[The title lacks impact, it is too banal, suggets you shorten and give it something. Anything but this] Our ancestors, once lay on the banks of the Cauvery. [dead ancestors, ay buried, make sure we know they are dead] Stretched out, sandwiched between holy ash. [seemingly serenly? they were happy th...
- 05 Aug 2012, 02:50
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Now My Brothers Office Room
- Replies: 3
- Views: 13156
Re: Now My Brothers Office Room
Another great spark.
- 04 Aug 2012, 21:32
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: on reading Hemingway's the garden of eden
- Replies: 3
- Views: 10592
Re: on reading Hemingway's the garden of eden
"The bull wasn't doing anyone any harm and now we've tracked him to where he came to see his dead friend and now were going to kill him."-ernest hemingway [if you intend to honour Hemingway why wouldn't you use convention and print his names as most do with capital letters? Ernest Hemingway, is it m...
- 04 Aug 2012, 14:23
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Symptomatic
- Replies: 24
- Views: 50207
Re: Symptomatic
I enjoyed the process, but my wife is jealous that I spend so much time on a poem... and not even my own. Best wishes in the competition. I don't think this poem is ready yet it needs much more work, but it is an exceptional spark and I guess many poets will copy in their own way.
- 04 Aug 2012, 03:36
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Dry Dock Road - edit 1
- Replies: 5
- Views: 17502
The Dry Dock Road - edit 1
Again I’m cycling the Dry Dock Road. The alarm rattles in its tin creating bedlam for a moment in the darkness Despair - at the early call longing to stay in the warm I dress hurridly in the damp air. Make Nescafe in a flask, add sugar and heave Dad's home-guard haversack over my back and peddle dow...
- 04 Aug 2012, 02:36
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Symptomatic
- Replies: 24
- Views: 50207
Re: Symptomatic
My Choice of Title would be (would as in if I had the choice): Idira [use her name] Her Golden Years [Notice capital letters for the title, no period.] Symptomatic Not born with it [this age malaise]. Eclipse swallows, pushing out great grandmothers and babies, so [omit that] death and life daisy ch...
- 03 Aug 2012, 04:21
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: 'No Place To Sleep, No Place To Call Our Own'
- Replies: 17
- Views: 30703
Re: Burial and Creation
Our ancestors, once lay on the banks of the Cauvery. Stretched out, sandwiched between holy ash. Bilva leaves and rock salt, mud and powdered brick pushed into the pit thrice, back turned, not looking. Why wait a year to build the cemetery? One year is one day for the departed, The the sun takes to ...
- 03 Aug 2012, 04:10
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: the passenger seat
- Replies: 3
- Views: 12365
Re: the passenger seat
You are streaming water [rushing] over steep falls and I am the splashes beneath, that shoot up in all directions Once, we were both foamy white clinging to boulders. Our bubbles popping at the end of the day, thriving in the easy [rythems] of the current [rhymes to do with poetry, rhythem to do wit...
- 02 Aug 2012, 19:52
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Thatha gets ready for Death
- Replies: 1
- Views: 9071
Re: Thatha gets ready for Death
Counting days of churning buttermilk, skimming butter, melting ghee. Knowing full well the ultimate and penultimate day of being seated in a sitting posture. This Saivite , fit for burial, lowered into a cave, earth to earth. After the last ritualistic bath, [wash] with ghee and milk, grandpa's daug...
- 02 Aug 2012, 19:45
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Symptomatic
- Replies: 24
- Views: 50207
Re: Symptoms Of Insanity
It is immaterial if it is about your mother, grandmother, paternal aunt or any other senile person, the point is that the title could be improved. If you don't agree, then that is your choice. You don't have to explain to me, it is your poem. There is a lot to do on gramtical mistakes. A pause or an...
- 02 Aug 2012, 17:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Symptomatic
- Replies: 24
- Views: 50207
Re: Symptoms Of Insanity
With respect Siva, although the new title is a tad better it still has a negative conetation. Insanity is too strong a word for what you are trying to covey. Your grandparent was childlike, yes? and endearing, so although technically doctors might call her mad she was in fact entering her second chi...
- 02 Aug 2012, 04:30
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Symptomatic
- Replies: 24
- Views: 50207
Re: Symptoms Of Madness
Ok, the darned mongooses are sorted out. Not born with it. Eclipse swallows pushing out great grandmothers and babies, so that death and life daisy chain like phosphorescent super naturals and traffic whiz a whiz around her birth bed - grandmother's toe draws air circles to shoo away [not keen on ai...
- 01 Aug 2012, 12:59
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Symptomatic
- Replies: 24
- Views: 50207
Re: Symptoms Of Madness
I would heartily agree Michael that this poem is a gem and could represent this forum...however I cannot understand why the poet insists that the plural of mongoose is mongoose? The plural is mongooses, but mongeese may be used, but is rarely used. I think the poem is excellent, but it would not do ...
- 30 Jul 2012, 18:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: prey
- Replies: 5
- Views: 17201
Re: prey
I think I know what you are trying to say, just wish it wasn't so prosaic. It could be a good poem. Needs work.