New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

B
'not heavenly'
not
'that tempts the angels'
Use something pertaining to the earth.We do not know for sure if angels will prefer soup or that they would need to eat anything.

s

B
Frank is right.The 'heavenly' says nothing and sari is singular.The rest is okay.So it is the chairs that are white?
sit in freshly rinsed
plastic chairs white as the Ponticherry
train bringing Europeans to the sea.
tourist arriving on the Ponticherry train.
What are the last two lines?

S

The Blue Whirled Out Of Each Printed Page Blue whirled out of each black printed page. Nobody knew the exact meaning. Everyone's blue became bold and tin soldiered. Churning as in the amritha. Only the snakes churned out each one's conception. As the drama enacted, even those who sat through did som...

I am posting three poems that were edited by my poet friend and mentor Donald Nigli their mind, fine tuned to the Dhivya Prasadam. Dieu culinaire (God’s culinary)/ Nourriture divine (Divine food) or Dhivya Prasadam All the men folk knew ( of) the thin bare shoulders. Vol. 25, November 2012 POETRY | ...

meenas

I find this poem quite preachy.I do hope you will change your style of writing and your topics are so 'didactic'.

Siva

meenas Welcome to the group. I think your lines are archaic and you have a round about way to tell a simple thing. I am hoping this is the only poem you have in this style.I also find a lot of gerunds.And your attempt to painstakingly rhyme is quite laborious. The only one line that is a silver lini...

You offered words like 'Dieu Culinaire,' 'Nourriture Divine,' I scooped up Diviyya Prasadam; Payash is the warm milk that filled our cups. ‘All the men folk knew the thin bare shoulders’ and you inserted connectors like,’of’ and a sea of meanings changed. We ate out of your casseroles, you showed me...

Michael

Can you please nominate (request) Billy,'in an open field' and Mojave's "Entrepreneur In Tamilnadu.' for the March IBPC.

Siva

mojave

Thanks for the coaching.

Siva

mojave Very picturesque.I will have to read this a few more times and I like reading it.This 'in my freshly rinsed plastic chairs' made me smile.From the pat declarative 'I've just opened my second restaurant.' these second hand chairs are realistic.So you have covered all the five senses.The 'sight...

Billy

I have been reading this poem,almost every day.It is just right,nothing you can add or take away.

Siva

frank
Meena Kandaswamy is a bold and noteworthy poet.
Thanks for the tuition.I agree with you.It is always that my poems have to be edited.

My father said: her spellings are ingenious and her grammar confounding and her writing
sadly passes off as good poetry.

Siva

frank Thank you for all the work you have put into this poem.You have definitely spent more time with it, reading and deliberating on it and I feel ashamed for abandoning it with a cursory edit. Michael Thanks as usual.You are a minimalist.And I am verbose.I am learning a lot in this group. better t...

''Not A Natural Disorder'' is my original unpublished poem and I am not representing any other group. My mail id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com Not A Natural Disaster Lounging in a racing Lancer I see distant trees darken with night, a bracket of serial bulbs - coming closer - the outline of a lon...

frank

This is not my poem.It is a poem by one of our youngsters,Meena Kandaswamy.I posted it only to show you that the English we use is our own,very Indian. It need not correspond with the English used elsewhere.

Siva

MULLIGATAWNY DREAMS anaconda. candy. cash. catamaran. cheroot. coolie. corundum. curry. ginger. mango. mulligatawny. patchouli. poppadom. rice. tatty. teak. vetiver. i dream of an english full of the words of my language. an english in small letters an english that shall tire a white man’s tongue an...

Michael

Thank you.I will keep this.I was just about to change the car to 'Lancer.'

Siva

I recommend
Michael’s "reacting to Hoffman's last scene"
abhrksht A death in the Family (as edited by Michael)
for the March 2014 IBPC

Siva

Dyerfrank

A big thanks.

Siva

Final Final Edit Not A Natural Disaster Lounging in a racing Lancer I see distant trees darken with night, a bracket of serial bulbs - coming closer - the outline of a long hooked nose; suddenly lights magnified on the mountain blazing a 'v' in the running hand, and I respond, "How breathtakingly be...

Michael

I nominate Michael's "reacting to Hoffman's last scene" for March IBPC.

Siva

Michael

I nominate, 'A Death In The Family,' for the march IBPC.I like how you have worked on this poem.

Siva

Michael

This has to be read several times and understood at all levels.I am doing just that.

Siva

Michael
Please send this poem for the February IBPC. I nominated,and since nobody has seconded the nomination, you will have to post.
Siva

I would like to submit my unpublished poem,'Dear Mother-In-Law', for the February IBPC. I am not representing any other group.My mail id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com Dear Mother-In-Law You certainly knew when death came near you. You spoke about the old dark woman who pulled your hand. You shooe...