harvest

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

harvest

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 22 Sep 2012, 11:01

edit-4

''harvest''

sack upon sack of grain
stacked up to reach the moon
India is still hungry.

Michael
I will keep this version because I feel 'India is still hungry is stronger.









edit -3

''harvest''

sack upon sack of grain
stacked up to reach the moon
still a hungry mouth.



edit -2

''harvest''

sack upon sack of grain
stacked up to reach the moon
India is still hungry.




edit-1

sack upon sack of grain
stacked up to reach the moon
India is still hungry.





sack upon sack of grain
lined up to reach the moon
India is still hungry.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: harvest

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 27 Sep 2012, 04:44

"India"

sack upon sack of grain
stacked to the harvest moon--
still, the mouth hungry.

or

still, a hungry mouth

 

8)


man lands
on the moon --

still the earth trembles         -- Michael (MV)

 

 
 
 
 
 

Post Reply