Kuttanad

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Kuttanad

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 23 Dec 2012, 18:41

Kuttanad

Waters from everywhere meeting up
finding a pathway through land
paddy fields on either side
beyond single line settlements
water boats to ferry us;
Alleppy, because of the foreigner
who could not say Allepuzha
Venice of the south
attracting tourists, here trees
take the path of sunlight.
fringes of hotels ---harvest
is the key word:
prawns, paddy, spice ,coir
birds, water borne ducks,
the water fowl
the harvesting tractor
cutting and swallowing
dried shoots, separating
grain from the chaff.

Everywhere the crop has dried
where this Lake Palace is built
paddy shoots are forever green
explicable, they are not paddy shoots
the tricks of the trade;

We have to move on
like these back waters thirsting
for salt, the Arabian sea calls
yet another harvest
far beyond where
the mix happens.

whitesprayhorses

raise their forward foot
swallowing the land water
under their necks.

Sivakami Velliangiri

vbpoet100
Posts: 1
Joined: 04 Jan 2013, 05:55

Re: Kuttanad

#2 Post by vbpoet100 » 04 Jan 2013, 06:02

A nice piece. A couple of quick comments: While I like the off-balance stanzas, the first is a bit length in comparison to the others, and I might balance by trimming. I'm not sure where we are, at least not on my first two readings, and this bothers me. The title doesn't help. Perhaps and epigraph or some sense of place embedded within the poem. I like the list and I can see this happening in other places within the poem. Good luck.

Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang”