Another Phase

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SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Another Phase

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 02 Jan 2013, 04:42

All Saints' College
where the sea rolled

though the sea could never be seen.

Reading Lawrence,

reading Malthus,

heard the train whistle blowing,
carrying passengers to Kochu Veli.

Parents visiting Friday evenings,
tins of yellow laddoos.

My mother became more active
with less thoughts of death.

macmacyo
Posts: 3
Joined: 18 Feb 2013, 07:44

Re: Another Phase

#2 Post by macmacyo » 18 Feb 2013, 08:06

where the sea rolled

though the sea could never be seen.

I clearly see the image you made here. Along with the Lawrence and Malthus. I kind off feel this poem though. But anyhow i like it because of the images along with its emotion. Good job :) off to your next poem.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Another Phase

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 18 Feb 2013, 16:12

macmacyo
This is my original.Any comments will help.

Another Phase

All Saints' College
where the sea rolled
the air was salty
though the sea could never be seen.

The nuns were no better
than the nuns at school
they were the same breed.

Reading Lawrence,
seeing more into the snake poem;
reading Malthus,a census of his children
exceptions to the law of diminishing utility
a mother's love for her children.

Heard the train whistle blowing,
carrying passengers to Kochu Veli.
it was like growing into womanhood
listening to Amy's songs.

Hostel life,getting in and out of trouble
frisbees flying like chapathis

Parents visiting of Friday evenings
tin full of mixture and laddoos.

My mother became more active
with fewer thoughts of death.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1654
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Another Phase

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 18 Feb 2013, 22:01

Hi Siva,

perhaps some of the detail from the original would be of service to the current incarnation.


8)

Michael (MV)

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