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KILLING THE INNOCENT
Posted: 10 Jan 2013, 22:33
by SnickleFrittes
they say
high blood pressure
is the
silent
killer
it comes
in the night
or
at the
little league
baseball game
unexpectedly
drops you
like a sac
of eggs
on the stained
pavement
you know. . .
they say
the same
about a
broken
heart
Re: KILLING THE INNOCENT
Posted: 21 Jan 2013, 05:53
by Michael (MV)
Welcome to the Block, SnickleFrittes
I like how the poem *drops* down the page, a la William Carlos Williams.
I like the poem
workshop illustrated below for your perusal & consideration -- Michael (MV)
"killing the innocent"
high blood
pressure is the silent
killer
it comes
in the night
or
at the little
league baseball game
unexpectedly
drops you
like a sac
of eggs
on the stained
pavement
the same
with a broken
heart
Re: KILLING THE INNOCENT
Posted: 23 Jan 2013, 18:17
by SivaRamanathan
Welcome to the block SnickleFrittes!
I like Michael's work shopping of your poem.It is minimalistic.
Siva
Re: KILLING THE INNOCENT
Posted: 28 Jan 2013, 01:33
by richardc
I like the contrasts in this. "sack of eggs" and "broken heart"
"in the night" and "at the litle league game"
I'm also a sucker for "slim" poems like this that punctuate themelves.
The title leads you to believe it's about wartime - another contrast.
well done, RC