Which Wolf Should I Feed?

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macmacyo
Posts: 3
Joined: 18 Feb 2013, 07:44

Which Wolf Should I Feed?

#1 Post by macmacyo » 18 Feb 2013, 07:48

Here is a poem I made sometime ago. Please let me know if it's any good.

Which wolf should i feed?

When you are torn
between right and wrong
coscience and guilt
in my heart are born

i swear,believe me, i swear
my intentions were sincere
unforeseen and now im trapped
in these matchless memories

here and now im stuck in between
the sides of morality
selfishness i believe
is happiness in sheep's clothing

now i am in deep trouble
for not choosing which wolf
both are now starving, violently
while i think, silently

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1654
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Which Wolf Should I Feed?

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 18 Feb 2013, 22:11

Welcome macmacyo

Romus and/vs Remus :)


I like the metaphor. I believe it can be developed w/ more specification.


wolf & werewolf

8)

Michael (MV)


"and so we make our choices
but there is no choice
we listen to their voices
ignoring our own voice"
--- from the lyric "Siater of the Moon" by S. Nicks / FM

FrankDyer
Posts: 227
Joined: 17 May 2011, 06:28

Re: Which Wolf Should I Feed?

#3 Post by FrankDyer » 11 Mar 2013, 18:58

I don't think it is any good. Why you ask? Why is it no good? Putting aside really bad English usage such as 'i' instead of 'I' which seems to indicate you have found a new and cleverer way of writing in the English language, who needs rules man? You have orphan lines such as: 'In my heart are born' but we fail to see a conection with anything else in the stanza let alone the poem. What has 'In my heart are born' to do with anything. What is born in your heart?

Its in a pseudo intellectual style that seems to say, 'you know what I mean man, I'm cool!'. But we dont know what you mean, and if we did we would say that your presenation falls short of the mark. That's my opinion, but then you could be a genius, but I don't think so.

Frankly
Frank

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