"Victorio's Secret"
my snug T
shirt hangs over
my shoulders and covers
my bare chest like a breastplate
& the cotton hugs
my chubby torso
like a lover
my boxer briefs
keep my bone
buried where ever
worn close in time
never left behind
the putting on
as familiar as taking off
as sensual as stripping
the top dog guarding
without bark or bite
my privates like a faithful underdog
Trunkshow (for all seasons)
-
- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Trunkshow (for all seasons)
Michael
Your 'minimalist' poems are posted only when they reach perfection.Enjoyed reading and also smiled at the undercurrent humour in it.
Siva
Your 'minimalist' poems are posted only when they reach perfection.Enjoyed reading and also smiled at the undercurrent humour in it.
Siva
Re: Trunkshow (for all seasons)
It left me cold and shaken a little at a visual image of nakedness and hairs clinging to a mean body.
Re: Trunkshow (for all seasons)
Dear MV...
"Victorio's Secret" ...the title: good play, aligned with the overall tone, yet, going by the subject, alone, may be reconsidered for something like say The Guardians that may not prepare the reader in the same vein...besides, what the poem reveals is no secret in the same sense as Victoria's or for that matter, Roy Raymond's billion dollars in the bank...it appears to be more a rumination on the nuances of an everyday act - that peels slowly....on the body: found more than a few passive verbs....so, please consider...
my [snug] (cotton) T (shirt)
[shirt] (snugs into my bare)
[hangs over
my shoulders and covers
my bare] chest(,) like a breastplate
[& the cotton] hugs my chubby torso
[my chubby torso ] like a lover
my [boxer] briefs
[keep] (box-in) my bone, (closest)
[buried where ever
worn close] in time (and being) {very much liked 'time'}
[never left behind ]
the putting on -
[as] familiar as taking off
[as] sensual as stripping -
the top dog(s) (on guard) [guarding]
without (bite) (or) bark(s). [or bite]
[my privates like a faithful underdog]
My best. IC
"Victorio's Secret" ...the title: good play, aligned with the overall tone, yet, going by the subject, alone, may be reconsidered for something like say The Guardians that may not prepare the reader in the same vein...besides, what the poem reveals is no secret in the same sense as Victoria's or for that matter, Roy Raymond's billion dollars in the bank...it appears to be more a rumination on the nuances of an everyday act - that peels slowly....on the body: found more than a few passive verbs....so, please consider...
my [snug] (cotton) T (shirt)
[shirt] (snugs into my bare)
[hangs over
my shoulders and covers
my bare] chest(,) like a breastplate
[& the cotton] hugs my chubby torso
[my chubby torso ] like a lover
my [boxer] briefs
[keep] (box-in) my bone, (closest)
[buried where ever
worn close] in time (and being) {very much liked 'time'}
[never left behind ]
the putting on -
[as] familiar as taking off
[as] sensual as stripping -
the top dog(s) (on guard) [guarding]
without (bite) (or) bark(s). [or bite]
[my privates like a faithful underdog]
My best. IC