A little girl ran
hand in hand
with her daddy
She reminded me
of shining ponds of
ducks and fish
and silly stories
That pleased my child so
The camera captured
Her small arm hugging me
across my vast shoulder
Greeting her at the airport
She instantly hopped to my
knee like a sparrow
I became her Opa
For the father that
had been shelved
by Mama
I, poor useless I
became her anchor
In this twisted modern world
Like Holden I could not function
like Phoebe she laughed
and her trust of me
Bound us as pals
My surrogate child
A Little Girl
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Little Girl
Hi Frank,
this reads at draft level
I believe the intent is to structure on the rhythm of the ings,
but they are more trying than achieving.
a fatherhood reading:
I saw a little girl
hand in hand
with her daddy
walking
^^ narrator observing a father & daughter
[But] where is my little girl?
sitting looking
for her daddy
waiting
^^ w/ the addition of the "but," the narrator is asking where is his daughter.
I love my little girl
holding hugging
her daddy
laughing
^^ is the 1st line "I love my little girl" implying the narrator now has a daughter; or, a missing/lost daughter returned?
I know my little girl
seeking finding
her daddy
loving[/quote]
^^ no denying the father knows his daughter & his daughter knows her father.
Michael (MV)
this reads at draft level
I believe the intent is to structure on the rhythm of the ings,
but they are more trying than achieving.
a fatherhood reading:
I saw a little girl
hand in hand
with her daddy
walking
^^ narrator observing a father & daughter
[But] where is my little girl?
sitting looking
for her daddy
waiting
^^ w/ the addition of the "but," the narrator is asking where is his daughter.
I love my little girl
holding hugging
her daddy
laughing
^^ is the 1st line "I love my little girl" implying the narrator now has a daughter; or, a missing/lost daughter returned?
I know my little girl
seeking finding
her daddy
loving[/quote]
^^ no denying the father knows his daughter & his daughter knows her father.
Michael (MV)
Re: Little Girl
Yes, spot on Michael, although I did intend to post it as a completed poem. Looking at it I am disappointed and I feel it comes across as trite. I failed to elicit the emotion that I had meant and it is but a pale shadow of what I had intended.