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Cyber World

Posted: 31 Oct 2013, 21:02
by FrankDyer
I lost my IPS provider
He got fed up with me
savagely cutting the cord
Our correspondence becoming
increasingly discordant
and meaningless

A jumble of contractual misdemeanors
and the tyranny of the multinational
in free fall

I missed this room
this world
different to reality
Having a reality of it own

Here eternity stretches out its hand
awaiting a reply
like Voyager
passing into the Milky Way

Re: Cyber World

Posted: 04 Nov 2013, 02:20
by chrisann
Hi Frank,

I do understand your loss.

Great fun though, with the free fall of separation anxiety. The old paradigm of personal service is compounded exponentially by the digital globe, and thus, eternity personified as a personal plea is an apt and ironic zoom out.

The "room" reference threw me a bit--a virtual room?

Enjoyed this,
Chrisann

Re: Cyber World

Posted: 09 Nov 2013, 03:19
by dyerfrank
Thanks Chrisann I appreciate the comment, welcome to the forum. Yes this is the cybr room. I have had to rergester as the defence mechanism was so strong it would not let me in as Frankdyer

Re: Cyber World

Posted: 11 Nov 2013, 05:17
by Billy
Frank, I like this poem very much and agree with chrisann's assessment. I would work on the third stanza. It is redundant--this room, this world, a different reality, a reality of its own. You are saying the same thing or similar things and not really saying what I think you mean. Dig a little deeper on that stanza and this will be a terrific poem.

Billy

Re: Cyber World

Posted: 12 Nov 2013, 03:44
by dyerfrank
Thanks Billy,much appreciated

Re: Cyber World

Posted: 12 Nov 2013, 09:57
by Michael (MV)
Hi Frank,


consider for that 3rd stanza:


I missed this cyber room
with a reality of it own


^^ nods to & echoes the tradition of Woolf's "A room of one's own"
& E.M. Forster's A Room with a View




8)

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 
 

Re: Cyber World

Posted: 24 Nov 2013, 17:29
by dyerfrank
Thanks Michael, i will look up that
poem.

Re: Cyber World

Posted: 13 Apr 2023, 14:38
by FranktheFrank
Cyber World

I lost my IPS provider
It got so fed-up with me
savagely cutting the cord
Our correspondence had become
increasingly discordant
and meaningless

A jumble of contractual misdemeanours
Punishments enforced by tyrannical robots
that have little meaning
save to the multinational corporations

But I do miss that cyber world
with a reality of its own.

Here eternity stretches out its hand
awaiting a reply
like Voyager
passing into the Milky Way

Re: Cyber World

Posted: 14 Apr 2023, 08:46
by BobBradshaw
Stellar last stanza