"The One / law of averages"

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Michael (MV)
Posts: 1681
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

"The One / law of averages"

#1 Post by Michael (MV) » 15 Dec 2013, 20:19

 
all is possible   w/ the Lord   all is possible


Christ spoke last words
and some of my last spoken words to her
impossible for me to leave you
impossible for you to leave me

the Prince of Peace
the ViewMaster keeps that vision possible in the viewfinder

for all power comes from the maker
of the miracle of life
no copy right

I am with you both
as one all ways

on silent night on dawn divine
not reindeer the skylift on the ray of Light
to Pere Noël's
a house not haunted
the son safely escorts the moon
in their home preoccupied

not pretending     Staffed by the embrace
of His recess from the school of fish
children play hearty over time always
making joyous supersonic white noise
like raising afterwork Friday cheer
with no last call
in celebrating Noël with kindred Spirits

His gifts arrive never wrapped up
this year for X-mas Father has upgraded
the endow of my poetic prowess
instead of get thee to a mall santi claus
I lead the petites to her

gentle laughing lap

I would like for you to bring me
to Heaven Mama
no need for a toy box
there are no storms to weather

here in The Humane Society of Our Father
baby dolls that don't weep & wet
puppies w/out the dogs
and not for sell in decorated storefront windows




 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 

dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Re: "The One / law of averages"

#2 Post by dyerfrank » 27 Dec 2013, 14:47

A longish poem, unusual or Michael. An attempt to meet with the joyous season a mixed metaphor of sensations like Scrooge being generous and happy. Holiness themes mixed in with Bacchus undertones, a reflection on this world. Nothing changes, the old fits in with the new yet it is all the same.

'and not for sell' a quirk or a mystery, maybe 'not for sale'?

Happy new Year to all poets on board this SS Author Salon Algonkian ship

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: "The One / law of averages"

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 06 Jan 2014, 09:45

Michael

Did you write this in December? Can it go for the January IBPC? Sorry I missed this.

Siva

User avatar
Billy
Posts: 995
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: "The One / law of averages"

#4 Post by Billy » 06 Jan 2014, 20:55

Yes, I second the nomination.

My favorite moment is the "ViewMaster" line.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1681
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: "The One / law of averages"

#5 Post by Michael (MV) » 06 Jan 2014, 21:05

Thanks Siva, Thanks Billy


serendipity : poetic coincidence

Last evening the Muse prompted me to select it to be a part of our triumvirate for the 1st IBPC of 2014.


and here on The 12th Night : Epiphany


Lest You Become Like These Little Ones

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Chri ... lBloch.jpg


"and I'm feeling so much Love
Love that you feel inside
for only Love is real"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUnTUzoj5z0


Peace

8)

Michael (MV)  a resurrected child & contented man   for Christ is the Resurrection  the fountain of youth

(Yes, Virginia, there is a Christmas forever)
 

 

 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 

dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Re: "The One / law of averages"

#6 Post by dyerfrank » 15 Feb 2014, 03:41

It seems to me this poem has been reworked, but you don't say so. I read it again and see it as new. I am captivated by some of the things you say. Not only is it different to your normal style it is with much merit. I don't get the statistical referenc ein the title howeevr but move on to a more detailed review than my earlier comments.

The Christian theme in stanza one is immeiate, recognisable by all Christians, to all whom profess the faith. You turn it into something personal and take his words to his followers into a personal relationship with a loved one. Later we glean it is your mother. You have set the theme, grieving, remembering, there is relief from pain in remembering. We are never taught as children the value of looking back, of rmemebring... of grief.

all is possible w/ the Lord all is possible
Christ spoke last words
and some of my last spoken words to her
impossible for me to leave you
impossible for you to leave me

Stanza two another reference to God, to Jesus the Christ... Prince of Peace.

the Prince of Peace
the ViewMaster keeps that vision possible in the viewfinder

Stanza three, more truth. Unadulterated, pure in it simplicity, not your words taken from that great poetic book.

for all power comes from the maker
of the miracle of life
no copy right
Stanza four, I will never leave you nor forsake you. I will be with you until the ends of the earth. More promises.

I am with you both
as one all ways

Stanza five. You mix your metaphores with truth, you dgress. Yo compare the essential truth with what man has done with the divine, you cast images of the tritness we have brought as a culture. Watering down religion.
on silent night on dawn divine
not reindeer the skylift on the ray of Light
to Pere Noël's
a house not haunted
the son safely escorts the moon
in their home preoccupied

The enxt stanza leaves me bewildered, no sense, perhaps your intention.

not pretending Staffed by the embrace
of His recess from the school of fish
children play hearty over time always
making joyous supersonic white noise
like raising afterwork Friday cheer
with no last call
in celebrating Noël with kindred Spirits

Rferences now in this next stanza to the gift of God, and our paltry offerings as a cheap substiture for genuine love and affection at the rememeberence of the incarnation.

His gifts arrive never wrapped up
this year for X-mas Father has upgraded
the endow of my poetic prowess
instead of get thee to a mall santi claus
I lead the petites to her

gentle laughing lap

The enxt stanza affects me deeply, I relate, I remember a time when I thought and spoke like this. The darkest moment of my life, where insanity prevailed.
I would like for you to bring me
to Heaven Mama
no need for a toy box
there are no storms to weather

The last stanza is foreign to me, don;t ge tit but retain it if you must. To me the reference to heaven should be the last. If you must retain it move it to the middle of the poem.

here in The Humane Society of Our Father
baby dolls that don't weep & wet
puppies w/out the dogs
and not for sell in decorated storefront windows

I don't know if Siva knows our Christian culture and history, I suppose she does. But this is the equivelent of her offering where she speaks about her religion, only you have woven it in with ep

personal experience and even if it is not your direct experience, it rings with truth. You quote abolutes in truth and then apply them, it is both touching and we must respect your openess in baring your soul.

A very good peice of work. Some things are not quite right, Maybe you intend to jar us by changing so quickly with obscure themes. You decide... but I think you can improve it in some way.

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