The Voice - edited for length

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

The Voice - edited for length

#1 Post by dyerfrank » 08 Feb 2014, 04:59

They sat quietly in the stone building
listening to the waves crash against the cliffs below
above the drone of his voice

He called on God to punish the wicked
He warned of hellfire and they in turn responded
by thinking
of Yorkshire pudding
with a rich gravy
covering a slice of beef

Some yawned, they had heard it from childhood
'Why did he bother?' they wondered
He wondered in return, 'Why do they attend
week after perennial week
to doze through his hard fought sermons?'

'It is the personification of goodness,' said the voice
'follow Me.'
He had heard it before
What if it was not His voice?
Doubts crept in

How many more years?
The voice was silent
That was his allotment
He remained in his prison
preaching to the dead

Posts: 36
Joined: 06 Feb 2014, 08:06

Re: The Voice

#2 Post by Smmrtmestos » 08 Feb 2014, 05:23

I like it. Try to make it longer and possibly a little deeper.

Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang”