The Tree by the Covered Bridge
-
- Posts: 15
- Joined: 16 Sep 2005, 02:44
- Location: Connecticut
Re: The Tree by the Covered Bridge
Unwilling guest?
preclovis, if you're going to depict savagery, don't be tame and refined about it.
maybe you can keep the tree stately, solemn, tired and quiet, but then maybe your river needs to get violent, or something else, anomalous to all the prettiness, needs to unsettle the reader along the way?
maybe your spectators to the hanging can pretend to be numb to what they are a part of, but don't make that point by having the poem stay numb all the way through, make it wake up somewhere & consider the wake up being somewhere other than the end.
now if the scene you construct were a painting instead of a poem, wow! you've got the lovely natural world, a picturesque bridge, a bunch of dressed-up citzens having a weekend picnic, and the hanging pretty much hiding in plain view, so that it almost escapes detection--that would really pack a punch
preclovis, if you're going to depict savagery, don't be tame and refined about it.
maybe you can keep the tree stately, solemn, tired and quiet, but then maybe your river needs to get violent, or something else, anomalous to all the prettiness, needs to unsettle the reader along the way?
maybe your spectators to the hanging can pretend to be numb to what they are a part of, but don't make that point by having the poem stay numb all the way through, make it wake up somewhere & consider the wake up being somewhere other than the end.
now if the scene you construct were a painting instead of a poem, wow! you've got the lovely natural world, a picturesque bridge, a bunch of dressed-up citzens having a weekend picnic, and the hanging pretty much hiding in plain view, so that it almost escapes detection--that would really pack a punch
-
- Posts: 3
- Joined: 19 Feb 2014, 00:19
Re: The Tree by the Covered Bridge
Thank you for your read and critique. The intent was partly to show the casual almost festive atmosphere of a hanging during a time when social gatherings were a "respite". I see your point; perhaps a painting in order?
r
r