The Tree by the Covered Bridge

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
preclovis14
Posts: 3
Joined: 19 Feb 2014, 00:19

The Tree by the Covered Bridge

#1 Post by preclovis14 » 19 Feb 2014, 00:40

@@@

Rich Liburdi
Posts: 15
Joined: 16 Sep 2005, 02:44
Location: Connecticut

Re: The Tree by the Covered Bridge

#2 Post by Rich Liburdi » 21 Feb 2014, 07:46

Unwilling guest?

preclovis, if you're going to depict savagery, don't be tame and refined about it.

maybe you can keep the tree stately, solemn, tired and quiet, but then maybe your river needs to get violent, or something else, anomalous to all the prettiness, needs to unsettle the reader along the way?

maybe your spectators to the hanging can pretend to be numb to what they are a part of, but don't make that point by having the poem stay numb all the way through, make it wake up somewhere & consider the wake up being somewhere other than the end.

now if the scene you construct were a painting instead of a poem, wow! you've got the lovely natural world, a picturesque bridge, a bunch of dressed-up citzens having a weekend picnic, and the hanging pretty much hiding in plain view, so that it almost escapes detection--that would really pack a punch

preclovis14
Posts: 3
Joined: 19 Feb 2014, 00:19

Re: The Tree by the Covered Bridge

#3 Post by preclovis14 » 21 Feb 2014, 16:38

Thank you for your read and critique. The intent was partly to show the casual almost festive atmosphere of a hanging during a time when social gatherings were a "respite". I see your point; perhaps a painting in order?

r

Post Reply