Critiques Needed - New Poetry

[dyerfrank]

You have been very honest and answering to your plea I will treat you with as a genuine poet or a genuine attempt at poetry. We all felt green and I personally still feel green and make the most awful blunders.

So assuming you are not sure about iambic and double beats and end rhyming, the type of poem you are attempting rests on a regular beat - / -/ short long short long

When Jess ic a fell
- / - / - 5
she skinned her knees
- / - / 4

So already this is 5 4 The next line, and it could be a line on its own you have

When Jessica fell, they all felt at ease. You have 5 5 But, it doesn't sound right because of the meter... you should drop 'all'

Going back to the start of your poem you could drop 'Then'

Jessica fell
She skinned her knees 4 4

Carrying on:
Jessica fell 4
Now the problem is to retain the double beat and make sense with an end rhyme

They felt at ease 4
So this balances , has the appropriate regularity and has an end rhyme and makes a little sense.
Jessica fell, she skinned her knees
Jessica fell, they felt at ease
That is typical iambic end rhyming poetry

Now the next two lines go to pieces, you start out OK in line one but the iambic flow is shot and you can work it out yourself from now on.

The content is ruined because of the basic lack of understanding of the poem, and to my mind not worth progressing with as it is so bad.

Was it her beauty or was it their need. For when Jessica fell, she made them feel peace.

Jessica felt pain, she felt a great void. For the pain was not her knees, but in her voice.
Her voice was not heard but shattered their ears. A truth that was unspoken, but resonated clear.

She kept a secret. One they all knew. For speaking the truth would surely not be shrewd.
She didn’t feel clever and what she knew she kept quiet. For being too smart would certainly show spite.

They all stood by while those that loved her did harm. Jessica became a sinner because her sin was alarm.
She reminded them daily of the deeds they’d commit. Her reminder was the mere fact that she continued to exist.

Children should be seen and not heard and although, she’s not grown her only peace is that she dodged a few stones.