The Sweeper - version 3

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

The Sweeper - version 3

#1 Post by dyerfrank » 04 Mar 2014, 23:09

Herman spoke loudly as if he were in a cave
and we sat a hundred feet away
Deploring the natives, despising their ways
He gulped his cold beer, longing for
Prussian streets, paved and swept

Our barman nodded bravely as if he understood
His hair pressed flat and sleek
on his brown head, perfumed sweat

meenas17
Posts: 740
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: The Sweeper - version 2

#2 Post by meenas17 » 27 Mar 2014, 07:33

A contempt is expressed in the lines.
'a human being pretending
to be a vacuum cleaner,

None pretend while doing a job.


It is a prose poem. Stanzas have been deliberately formed.
Meena
meenas17

dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Re: The Sweeper - version 2

#3 Post by dyerfrank » 27 Mar 2014, 17:02

Thanks for commenting.

Post Reply