Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

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mojave
Posts: 737
Joined: 15 Jun 2005, 00:49
Location: Mojave Desert

Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#1 Post by mojave » 23 Mar 2014, 02:40

I've just opened my second restaurant.
Now I have two card tables, two
large bowls for mulligatawny soup.

I put up a crepe paper streamer as the
Ford Cortina did for a new dealership;
red and white tissue flutters among
aged canopies of the souk merchants.

The pot to my left, Anglo-Indian
cuisine with rice to thicken the soup
and heavy turmeric turning the broth
yellow and giving a heavenly aroma.

To my right, Mother's with the thick
pieces of beef for men recently paid
or wishing to impress a girl.

You will visit in bare midriff and a saris
of tumultuous color; sit in freshly rinsed
plastic chairs white as the Ponticherry
train bringing Europeans to the sea.
tourist arriving on the Ponticherry train.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#2 Post by SivaRamanathan » 23 Mar 2014, 07:03

mojave

Very picturesque.I will have to read this a few more times and I like reading it.This 'in my freshly rinsed plastic chairs' made me smile.From the pat declarative 'I've just opened my second restaurant.' these second hand chairs are realistic.So you have covered all the five senses.The 'sight' of red and white tissues,'heavenly aroma, touch as in 'a slim maiden in a sari with a bare midriff',sound as in,'men recently paid,or wishing or wishing to impress a girl,'. Well this poem is a nice treat.

Siva

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1730
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#3 Post by Michael (MV) » 23 Mar 2014, 20:34

mojave,

welcome back - returned with the spring

wonderful to see your presence

I have missed the enrichment of your creativity to the Block.



Your poem - something sinister simmering in the crock pot

not just a picturesque picture

but then poetry is never superficial.

The Merchant of Tamil Nadu



bernie, if you are not already representing another board this current upcoming April IBPC,

I'm in accord w/ Siva's recommendation.



berniemojave

Congrats! on your recent 2nd place in the February 2014 IBPC,


8)

Michael (MV)

 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 

mojave
Posts: 737
Joined: 15 Jun 2005, 00:49
Location: Mojave Desert

Re: Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#4 Post by mojave » 24 Mar 2014, 04:20

Michael---


oh, a nomination would be wonderful.


but i'm even happier to be where poetry means as much to others as to me.


bernie

meenas17
Posts: 740
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#5 Post by meenas17 » 26 Mar 2014, 06:45

Picturing Tami Nadu and its zeal in a colourful way.

Nice Poem.
meenas17

dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Re: Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#6 Post by dyerfrank » 26 Mar 2014, 23:45

I've just opened my second restaurant.
Now I have two card tables, two
large bowls for mulligatawny soup.

I put up a crepe paper streamer as the
Ford Cortina did for a new dealership;
red and white tissue flutters among
aged canopies of the souk merchants.

The pot to my left, Anglo-Indian
cuisine with rice to thicken the soup [soup extraneous?]
and heavy turmeric turning the broth
yellow and giving a heavenly aroma.

To my right, Mother's with the thick
pieces of beef for men recently paid
or wishing to impress a girl.

You will visit in bare midriff and a saris [sari singular?]
of tumultuous color; sit in freshly rinsed [wiped surely, wipe down chairs]
plastic chairs white as the Ponticherry
train bringing Europeans to the sea. [not just Europeans surely, Americans too sprnkled with Japanese, could you use visitor or tourists, or just say whites]
tourist arriving on the Ponticherry train.

Welcome back indeed, good to see you post. I still remember my first reading of one of your poems, in a desert, Christians under the influence of a drug from a catcus plant. It was very good. I love mulligatawny soup, I once bought a whole crate of the stuff and after a year my passion faded a tad.

IU hope you are going to stay, it would be good.

regards

Frank or Ieuan

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#7 Post by SivaRamanathan » 27 Mar 2014, 13:02

B
Frank is right.The 'heavenly' says nothing and sari is singular.The rest is okay.So it is the chairs that are white?
sit in freshly rinsed
plastic chairs white as the Ponticherry
train bringing Europeans to the sea.
tourist arriving on the Ponticherry train.
What are the last two lines?

S

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1730
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#8 Post by Michael (MV) » 28 Mar 2014, 01:44

mojave

ironic, but I believe there is stronger than the adverb "heavenly":

and heavy turmeric turning the broth
yellow with aroma that tempts the angels


and heavy turmeric turning the broth yellow
with aroma that leads the angels into temptation

^^ just suggestions of course



that last stanza & last line(s)


You will visit in bare midriff and a sari
of tumultuous color; sit in rinsed plastic           -- "freshly" - another adverb not needed
chairs, white as the Ponticherry
train bringing Europeans to the sea.

^^ "white" is not literal, but connotaive


w/ the inclusion & placement of "tourists" --

You will visit in bare midriff and a sari
of tumultuous color; sit in rinsed plastic
chairs, white as the Ponticherry tourist
train bringing Europeans to the sea.




bernie, re IBPC & Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

if you are not already representing another board this current upcoming April IBPC,

Please reply - accept or decline - at Palaver in the thread

Upcoming IBPC April 2014: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5850

If accepting, please provide all the needed info in that thread.


Thanks, bernie


8)

Michael (MV)


 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Entrepreneur of Tamil Nadu

#9 Post by SivaRamanathan » 28 Mar 2014, 05:08

B
'not heavenly'
not
'that tempts the angels'
Use something pertaining to the earth.We do not know for sure if angels will prefer soup or that they would need to eat anything.

s

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