Domestic Help

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meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Domestic Help

#1 Post by meenas17 » 27 Mar 2014, 18:00

Domestic help is common
employing men and women
the errands are done
sweeping and mopping
with rags long ago
replaced with brush now.

Need drives the sweeper
to take up the chore
he who received wages low long ago
now lives in ease
has shed his lowliness
holds his head high.
meenas17

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Domestic Help

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 27 Mar 2014, 22:54

Hi meenas17,


I find the 2nd stanza stronger - much stronger - might stand alone as the poem itself:

Need drives the sweeper
to take up the chore
he who received wages low long ago
now lives in ease
has shed his lowliness
holds his head high.

^^ maybe some of the 1st stanza can judiciously be incorporated into the 2nd


^^ last 3 lines in particular - to me they have the lift of an eulogic epitaph

Eulogia

now living in ease
lowliness shed
head held high.



Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 
 

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Domestic Help

#3 Post by meenas17 » 28 Mar 2014, 07:06

Michael,

Need drives the sweeper
to take up the chore
sweeping manually before
replaced by gadgets now
he who received wages low long ago
now lives in ease
has shed his lowliness
holds his head high.


I have incorporated the first stanza into the second.
Hope it works out.
meena
meenas17

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