A solace.

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meenas17
Posts: 740
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

A solace.

#1 Post by meenas17 » 02 Apr 2014, 17:34

The huge tree in the corner
with branches big and strong
spreads itself in width
elongates in varied lengths
cruises itself to altitudes high
appears majestic and grand.

Her branches with leaves dense
bend down with the weight
almost touch the ground
looks like a try to kiss the land
as gratitude to the soil
from where they grew.

She is there for decades together
almost a part of the corner
a familiar loving figure all the more
a home to hundreds of birds and insects
a place to rest for passers by
a shelter from heat and rain.

Serving the people and birds
the tree stands as a symbol of age and honour
lives there in the corner with all pride
overseeing children playing there
the same kids now grown
themselves fathered many sons
she wishes them all well from her abode.

She has not moved from her place
has seen events great
felt the joy and melancholy
that punctuate human life
a witness to all the happenings
perceiving them with mute speculation.

With awe and inspiration
the people around get past the tree
nurture a fear looking at her grandeur
they sit down under her shade at times
to think about the past and hope for the future
she offers a solace to all
meenas17

dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Re: A solace.

#2 Post by dyerfrank » 03 Apr 2014, 01:10

The huge tree in the corner [corner of what? the world the garden? the village? do tell]
with branches big and strong [majestic boughs?]
spreads itself in width [spreads wide]
elongates in varied lengths [spreads... alreadys said]
cruises itself to altitudes high [trees cruis? news to me, grows maybe, reaches up to the sky]
appears majestic and grand. [does not apear, is majestic ...grand is now superfluous]

Her branches with leaves dense [awkard]
bend down with the weight
almost touch the ground [to touch the ground]
looks like a try to kiss the land [very awkward]
as gratitude to the soil [good point leave off 'as']
from where they grew. [unecessary]

She is there for decades together
almost a part of the corner
a familiar loving figure all the more
a home to hundreds of birds and insects [leave out hundreds]
a place to rest for passers by [a rest place for travellers]
a shelter from heat and rain. [shelter from the elements]

Serving the people and birds [you have already said that]
the tree stands as a symbol of age and honour [an ancient taking a place of honour]
lives there in the corner with all pride [corner of wht?]
overseeing children playing there [children play beneath its boughs]
the same kids now grown [as did their parants]
themselves fathered many sons [redundnet]
she wishes them all well from her abode. [does she really, or is that poetic licence]

She has not moved from her place [how can a tree move, do you need to say it?]
has seen events great
felt the joy and melancholy
that punctuate human life
a witness to all the happenings
perceiving them with mute speculation.

With awe and inspiration
the people around get past the tree
nurture a fear looking at her grandeur
they sit down under her shade at times
to think about the past and hope for the future
she offers a solace to all

I get the importance of a tree in vlllage life, however you have not done justice in your attempt.. sorry need smuch work.

meenas17
Posts: 740
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: A solace.

#3 Post by meenas17 » 04 Apr 2014, 18:53

The huge tree in the corner of the road
with massive branches
spreads wide all around
grows towards the sky
is majestic and towering.

She is verdant all through
bends towards the ground
the weight is so enormous
she bows to the the land
a gratitude to the soil.

She has been there for decades together
a familiar loving figure all the more
a home to birds and insects
a rest place for travellers
a shelter from the elements.

An ancient taking a place of honour
children play beneath her boughs
as did their parents
their offsprings would also play likewise
a continuing scenario altogether.

The road's corner is her abode
from there she has seen events great
felt the joy and melancholy
that punctuate human life
as she perceives with mute speculation.


The people go past the tree
with awe and inspiration
as they sit under her shady boughs
thinking of the past
anticipating the future.




I have edited.
Hope it reads better.
meenas17

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