Mother's Day

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Mother's Day

#1 Post by dyerfrank » 13 May 2014, 04:01

That day set aside
Second Sunday in May
Mother’s day

The dream child of Ann Jarvis
And taken over by marketing men
To sell their products in May

Forget that day and you don’t love your mam
So they seem to say
Guilt-button day

Pay out five dollars
With sweet mushy sentiment
That says, Love you Mam

What about the rest of May
Or every other day
Remember to call and say

I remember a call
From my niece
No stone, she said, no respect

And I cried
She never visited Mam
When she was alive

What good to visit
a memorial stone
When she’s dead

Respect is visiting the living
Not the dead
I said

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1730
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Mother's Day

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 14 May 2014, 08:22

Hi Frank,


The first part reads like a mild rant; then focuses on a specific.

Below, a workshop illustration for your perusal & consideration; then followed w/ a music-video link.


Respect the living, and they live on . . Michael (MV) 8)


Mother’s days

The dream child of Ann Jarvis
taken over by marketing men
to sell products in May.

Forget, and you don’t love your mam
so they seem to say.
Guilt-button that 2nd Sunday.

Pay out five dollars
with sweet mushy sentiment
that says, Love you Mam.

What about the rest of May
and all the other days
just to call, or in so many other ways.

I remember a call
my niece said
no stone, no respect.

And I cried
she never visited Mam
when she was alive.

Respect is caring instead for the living
not visiting the memorial stone of dead,
that's all I said.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu8Uq1dDPVU

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Re: Mother's Day

#3 Post by dyerfrank » 17 May 2014, 22:51

Thank you for responding Michael and giving some time. I shall leave it for a while and think. It was a rant , but I enjoyed it.

meenas17
Posts: 740
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Mother's Day

#4 Post by meenas17 » 18 May 2014, 11:28

Respect is visiting the living
Not the dead
I said.

Very well said.
These lines ring in my ears.
Poignant indeed!
meenas17

dyerfrank
Posts: 71
Joined: 09 Nov 2013, 03:17

Re: Mother's Day

#5 Post by dyerfrank » 18 May 2014, 23:18

Thank you meenas, I don't intend t work this poem any more, I shall leave it as it is and ponder. maybe a year from now I will look at it again. My thanks to Michael for provoking a response in me with his own effort. My poem was not a response to Michael's effort however , but something that has been in me for some time.
It is the Bible that speaks of Jesus saying: 'Why do you look for the living among the dead.' Why do we visit tombstones, how can our touching stone bring them back, it cannot, so maybe we should make the most of the older people in our lives before they become just stone.

Post Reply