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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

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#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 04 Jun 2016, 02:27

A genealogy

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Gwilym

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 28 Jun 2016, 22:27

I like the ambition of this poem, and especially these lines:

I’m told he spoke of Festubert, Somme,
Arras and Cambrai as if they were villages
higher up in the valley.

The poem would have more impact if it was broken up into several poems. There are too many characters to follow. I would stick with Gwilym, and place him in just one or two scenes. Then I would work the other people mentioned into followup poems. Just a thought. As always, I enjoy your writing and the fascinating places your poems are set in.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Gwilym

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 Jun 2016, 00:16

Thanks Bob.

I have to prepare for next month, maybe I will make this into three part poem with separate characters as you indicated.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Gwilym

#4 Post by SivaRamanathan » 01 Jul 2016, 22:48

Frank
I like the thought flow.Your talkative language.Poetry. But it is too much to remember. With rereading all doubts will clear.

S

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Gwilym

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 04 Jul 2016, 22:05

Thanks Siva, yes there are a lot, seven in all.

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