Removed
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- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Removed
A genealogy
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- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Gwilym
I like the ambition of this poem, and especially these lines:
I’m told he spoke of Festubert, Somme,
Arras and Cambrai as if they were villages
higher up in the valley.
The poem would have more impact if it was broken up into several poems. There are too many characters to follow. I would stick with Gwilym, and place him in just one or two scenes. Then I would work the other people mentioned into followup poems. Just a thought. As always, I enjoy your writing and the fascinating places your poems are set in.
I’m told he spoke of Festubert, Somme,
Arras and Cambrai as if they were villages
higher up in the valley.
The poem would have more impact if it was broken up into several poems. There are too many characters to follow. I would stick with Gwilym, and place him in just one or two scenes. Then I would work the other people mentioned into followup poems. Just a thought. As always, I enjoy your writing and the fascinating places your poems are set in.
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- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Gwilym
Thanks Bob.
I have to prepare for next month, maybe I will make this into three part poem with separate characters as you indicated.
I have to prepare for next month, maybe I will make this into three part poem with separate characters as you indicated.
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Gwilym
Frank
I like the thought flow.Your talkative language.Poetry. But it is too much to remember. With rereading all doubts will clear.
S
I like the thought flow.Your talkative language.Poetry. But it is too much to remember. With rereading all doubts will clear.
S
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- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Gwilym
Thanks Siva, yes there are a lot, seven in all.