Echocardiogram

[Billy]

Echocardiogram

A talking skull from a black and white
Looney Tune dances on screen, jack-in-the-box
flaps popping open with the mechanical

spasticity of a windup monkey band.
Little bagpipe grunts and strains.
I'm not awed by the miracle of life,

swishing and gurgling like a Maytag washer
from the modern fifties. Tomorrow,
they'll look at the whole contraption,

close-up, inside, maybe blow out the hoses,
keep it huffing and puffing so it doesn't
collapse a blathering red balloon.

[Billy]

This is an old poem. I guess it still doesn't work.

[FranktheFrank]

I think back at the many poems I could not empathise with
and yet I see a much broader range in your work.
Wonder if you need 'pathetic' in S2. Bit telly?

[BobBradshaw]

I love the sounds of this poem, the alliteration, the assonance. It's a lot of fun.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Billy,

this is haunting by merit of the skillful craftsmanship.

The experience of the echo is aptly animated & amplified.


workshop:

gossamer for "ghostly"

"spasticity"   -- yes, precise

"Pathetic" -- in accord; not needed


With poetry you have recorded the Echocardiogram

It's going to be a healthy baby

Alive and kicking



Michael (MV)

 
 
  
 
 
 

[Billy]

Thanks all. Actually, an echocardiogram is an ultrasound video of the heart. I'm keeping "pathetic" as it is N's description of his heart when viewing the echocardiogram. The flaps popping open are the valves of the heart, The bagpipe is the heart. Just look at a bagpipe. Oh well, I guess it needs too much explanation maybe, though I've had other readers know what it is and really enjoy the descriptions.

[FranktheFrank]

Billy
Maybe a little more clarification, one or two words
that swing the reason to decide its a heart, maybe
ventricle or something else?

best wishes

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Billy,

re "though I've had other readers know what it is and really enjoy the descriptions.

^^ consider me one of those readers - I thought that was already communicated in my workshop response.

no explanation needed.

link to Palaver -

Upcoming July IBPC 2016:   viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6306

you're very familiar w/ the process:



Michael (MV)
 

 

Thanks all. Actually, an echocardiogram is an ultrasound video of the heart. I'm keeping "pathetic" as it is N's description of his heart when  
viewing the echocardiogram. The flaps popping open are the valves of the heart, The bagpipe is the heart. Just look at a bagpipe. Oh well, I guess it needs too much explanation maybe, though I've had other readers know what it is and really enjoy the descriptions.

 
 
 
 
 
 

[SivaRamanathan]

Michael has expressed well what I feel about your poem.
I too think it is fit IBPC. The'pathetically'is felt without your putting it into words.I second Michael's recommendation.

S

[Billy]

Michael, I misinterpreted your statement about the baby. I thought you were saying the ultrasound was of a baby.

Frank, what more clue does one need than the title, Echocardiograms, definition--"a test of the action of the heart using ultrasound waves to produce a visual display, used for the diagnosis or monitoring of heart disease."

Thanks Siva.

[FranktheFrank]

Well, I am doing my best.

Opinions are not perfect and may be flawed.

All part of workshopping.

[Billy]

Thanks for reading and commenting Frank. Your contribution is as valuable as anyone else's.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Billy,


b/c of the cartoon & toy imagery, I though specifically of a child's heart


we are all a kid at heart

Alive & kicking

a joyful sound - the sound of joy




Michael (MV)

Michael, I misinterpreted your statement about the baby. I thought you were saying the ultrasound was of a baby.

Frank, what more clue does one need than the title, Echocardiograms, definition--"a test of the action of the heart using ultrasound waves to produce a visual display, used for the diagnosis or monitoring of heart disease."

Thanks Siva.

 
 
 
 

[Billy]

The Sound of Joy, a great album and song by Sun Ra.

[Billy]

I changed blabbering to blathering in last line.