Whale Shark

[BobBradshaw]

Whale Shark


Whale Shark


My big brother swam above me, his frog legs
gently kicking. He was like a balloon

drifting towards a zeppelin.
He pointed wildly

towards this slow grazer,
a dappled reef. Her maw big as a tub.

He longed to grab her dorsal fin,
to fly behind her like a sports pennant.

He gestured me to ready
the camera. To this day

he scolds me for "dropping the ball",
my camera fumbled, buried somewhere

on the sea's floor. You
should have seen me, he tells everyone

but what I saw was another world--
slowly vanishing.

[Billy]

I like the poem, especially the way it ends. I was a little confused in the first few lines, when I didn't immediately realize who were the balloon and zeppelin. I think the mixture of him swimming above you and the whale made it just a little confusing, but I will read again. Maybe I just didn't approach the poem clearly from my end. BTW I love the image of the balloon and zeppelin, very vivid.

[SivaRamanathan]

I like your poem,the controlled lines--though I do not get it .

[FranktheFrank]

A fine poem Bob, short and sweet, easy to understand, maybe too obvious in the title.

Some parts made us stop and think, but again when paused we see clearly the oversized bather flouncing about like a red balloon in proximity to the silent massive shape of the zeppelin. Yes, these wonderful creatures can seem like WW1 zeppelins, very apt.

I enjoyed the cameo of two brothers, the younger panicking and dropping the camera and the older boy retelling to the family.

My only nit is that they are not reef grazers, my understanding is that they are ocean feeders, filtering vast quantities of water to live off plankton and only coming in to the reefs for: procreation, birth and cleaning. You know those shell cleaning stations set around the world for small fish to remove crustaceans and worms from the bodies of these majestic creatures of the deep.
Enjoyed, thank you.

[meenas17]

A nice poem. it is visually descriptive. The ending is poetic.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Bob,


Fortunately, I misread the title as white shark.

This broem (brother + poem) is great for not being a shark  


As mentioned, your image-making is apt - a shark-like precision in service of surfacing & surviving the Spirit of the broem.


workshop illustrated for your perusal & consideration  

Thanks for sharing this broetry       Michael (MV)


My big brother swam above me, his legs
kicking frog-like. He was

like a balloon in tow
of a zeppelin. He pointed wildly

towards this slow grazer, dappled
reef-like. Her maw, a tub.     (maybe, a sunken tub)

Grasping to grab her dorsal fin,
to fly like a trophy pennant,

he gestured, "ready
that camera!" To this day

he scolds me for "fumbling the ball."
The shooter buried somewhere

(or, The box buried somewhere)

on a reef's sandy bottom. "You should have
seen me . . ," he boasts to everyone.

To this day what I see was
another world, slowly swimming away.   (or maybe, drifting away)
 
 
 
 
  
 
 

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, everyone, for replying and commenting. I will seriously consider some of the ideas. Michael, your suggestions make the poem more immediate, and I will take you up on one or more of them. Best, Bob