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Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 09 Sep 2019, 18:05
by Kenneth2816
It was the tinkling of cups
which disturbed you: sugar
and blackness, a spoon
for the madness.

Sometimes love looks like
getting your partner's coffee right.
I sucked at so many other things.

That September I wanted
to bring in the Devil's Ivy,
make cuttings for new rooting.

You had painstakingly trained
each vine to climb your rocker
and we joked about you overcome

by its bright green death-grip.
You told me it would die
if we put in on your night table,

and I didn't pick up on it when
your gaze held mine more than
a casual moment too long.

The surviving flog themselves.
There is a curse that allows
the memory to disgorge

every thoughtless act, each
unkind word ever visited upon
the dignity of the departed.

Re: Dante's Outer Rings

Posted: 09 Sep 2019, 20:07
by BobBradshaw
Splendid writing..not crits...

Re: Dante's Outer Rings

Posted: 09 Sep 2019, 21:11
by Kenneth2816
Bob thank you. I rely on you my friend.

Re: Dante's Outer Rings

Posted: 13 Sep 2019, 06:28
by Michael (MV)
Strong,
Heathcliff-strong, esp the finale

Admirable the use of epic literary allusion -
station at the top to bookend with the finale.

Although a ring is in the form of s circle,
consider the word that is used in the dantean schema:

"Dante's Outer Circles"

Kenneth, I would hope that Dante scholars would admire your way in poetry referencing his masterpiece. Maybe there is a home for your poem in a Dante journal.

And what if your poem was translated into Italian; terza rima, quite possibly

😎

Michael (MV)

Re: Dante's Outer Rings

Posted: 13 Sep 2019, 06:51
by Kenneth2816
Thanks Michael. Circles it is. I have no great ambition for this. It was utilitarian for me; needed to be wtitten.

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 13 Sep 2019, 17:29
by meenas17
Michael has summed up the exquisiteness of the poem,by saying it will find a home in Dante journal.

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 13 Sep 2019, 19:04
by Kenneth2816
Thank you meenas

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 01 Oct 2019, 22:54
by Michael (MV)
nominated by MV:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7644#p36075



Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 
 

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 01 Oct 2019, 23:20
by Kenneth2816
Thank you

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 04 Oct 2019, 17:54
by SivaRamanathan
I second Michael's nomination.

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 05 Oct 2019, 17:32
by Kenneth2816
Thank you Siva

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 06 Oct 2019, 08:55
by Billy
Great poem. Fix the typo in the 5th stanza, last line.

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

Posted: 13 Oct 2019, 00:43
by Kenneth2816
Thanks Billy