fugitive
fugitive
fugitive
wrapped in an old sweater,
sitting on the porch,
she saw him drive by, stop;
watched him watch her
then roll down his window as if to speak
she never moved
he finally rolled up the window
drove away slowly;
feeling colder, she went inside
careful to latch the door behind her
when he drove by later the shades had been pulled
the dog brought inside for the night
there was a new cat on the porch
and he finally understood:
he'd been away too long
wrapped in an old sweater,
sitting on the porch,
she saw him drive by, stop;
watched him watch her
then roll down his window as if to speak
she never moved
he finally rolled up the window
drove away slowly;
feeling colder, she went inside
careful to latch the door behind her
when he drove by later the shades had been pulled
the dog brought inside for the night
there was a new cat on the porch
and he finally understood:
he'd been away too long
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: fugitive
Hi Judy,
Wonderful to see your presence in poetry reappear here at WB
estrangement
and no longer engaged
to each other
in their hearts
"he finally rolled up the window
drove away slowly;"
workshop as:
he finally rolled up the window
and pulled away slowly;
Michael (MV)
-
- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: fugitive
Simple but very powerful. Nice work
Re: fugitive
Thanks, MV: I didn't add in any reasons why, I wanted to let the reader
fill in their own blanks. Too much information can sometimes push the reader away,
as a viewer, rather than a participant.
I do like "pulled away slowly" and the amazingly
subtle difference. It seems much more sinister.
fugitive
wrapped in an old sweater,
sitting on the porch,
she saw him drive by, stop;
watched him watch her
open his window as if to speak
she never moved
he finally rolled up the window
and pulled away slowly.
feeling colder, she went inside
careful to latch the door behind her
when he drove by later the shades had been pulled
the dog brought inside for the night
there was a new cat on the porch
and he finally understood:
he'd been away too long
I just realized, too--the title (which I finally added last night) could
apply to either of them. =) And thank you all for reading.
fill in their own blanks. Too much information can sometimes push the reader away,
as a viewer, rather than a participant.
I do like "pulled away slowly" and the amazingly
subtle difference. It seems much more sinister.
fugitive
wrapped in an old sweater,
sitting on the porch,
she saw him drive by, stop;
watched him watch her
open his window as if to speak
she never moved
he finally rolled up the window
and pulled away slowly.
feeling colder, she went inside
careful to latch the door behind her
when he drove by later the shades had been pulled
the dog brought inside for the night
there was a new cat on the porch
and he finally understood:
he'd been away too long
I just realized, too--the title (which I finally added last night) could
apply to either of them. =) And thank you all for reading.
-
- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: fugitive
I read it that he was jail bait
returning to see what goes.
But as you say it's too late.
I suggest a full stop after slowly,
and start new line after a gap of one line.
returning to see what goes.
But as you say it's too late.
I suggest a full stop after slowly,
and start new line after a gap of one line.
Interesting plot.Feeling colder, she went inside
careful to latch the door
when . . .
Re: fugitive
Done and done.
That's why I leave it wide open to interpretation (evil grin there)--we all get to put in
our own sinister thoughts.
I read it as the old boyfriend coming back after too long away
after the row to end all rows-- and she threw him out--or he walked--
now he's back to try to make up. Only she's not havin' any,
and has moved on.
Tomorrow, I'll see it differently.
That's why I leave it wide open to interpretation (evil grin there)--we all get to put in
our own sinister thoughts.
I read it as the old boyfriend coming back after too long away
after the row to end all rows-- and she threw him out--or he walked--
now he's back to try to make up. Only she's not havin' any,
and has moved on.
Tomorrow, I'll see it differently.
-
- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: fugitive
Nicely written, Judy, but you don't need me to tell you that.
S
S
Re: fugitive
Thanks Siva. No, I don't, but it's always nice to hear, anyway.
Re: fugitive
All the right details in a short poem. I like it. Others have addressed any nits.