Armageddon Day

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Armageddon Day

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 21 Oct 2019, 23:44

Crucified scarecrow
With a pumpkin head
Summon forth
The King of the Dead

Gabriel, Gabriel
Come blow your horn
There's fire in the sky
And blood on the corn

judyt547
Posts: 131
Joined: 17 Jan 2013, 19:46
Location: middle of the woods
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Re: Armageddon Day

#2 Post by judyt547 » 22 Oct 2019, 03:10

I like this, it reads like a very old medieval chant...

however.

I think it might scan better if you eliminated the "a" in the second line,
and added "Summoning" instead summon to the third one. Read it out loud.
See if it works better.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Armageddon Day

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Oct 2019, 04:02

Ok

judyt547
Posts: 131
Joined: 17 Jan 2013, 19:46
Location: middle of the woods
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Re: Armageddon Day

#4 Post by judyt547 » 22 Oct 2019, 04:48

sorry hon. sometimes I get carried away :oops:

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1562
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Armageddon Day

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Oct 2019, 04:57

A third stanza making the close more personal would help.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1621
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Armageddon Day

#6 Post by Michael (MV) » 22 Oct 2019, 05:16

Hi Ken,

I understand Bob's workshop observation

I find with the current two, formally, they articulate like a medieval  diptych

I was arriving at the space in time to enter my observation into the thread - found that Bob had entered his

Yes, a possible triptych

😎

Michael (MV)

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Armageddon Day

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Oct 2019, 08:01

Judy... You don't get carried away..

Bob. Michael I was just trying to post something in the spirit of Halloween
..thanks
I love seeing this place pop, lots of poems lately

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