Pay At Your End

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
meenas17
Posts: 694
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Pay At Your End

#1 Post by meenas17 » 22 Oct 2019, 15:50

the words written
in the post script
of the same letter
I posted. A comeback

I read my letter,
a simple demand
to pay a few hundreds
to an association.

to my sibling,
not a help anyway,
a 0.0001%
I hold in the business.

Those four words
sound command -like,
express scorn, reward
for being a sleeping partner,

for twenty or so years,
Legal action follows
a winding up, a strike off
happens all to soon.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Pay At Your End

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Oct 2019, 15:58

Relatives and money don't mix. Nicely fine done

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1562
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Pay At Your End

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Oct 2019, 20:36

I like the flow of this one, meenas....nice one

judyt547
Posts: 131
Joined: 17 Jan 2013, 19:46
Location: middle of the woods
Contact:

Re: Pay At Your End

#4 Post by judyt547 » 23 Oct 2019, 00:09

nice flow, meenas. two nits: "command-like" is a combo word, it takes a dash.
the other, "twenty and so years" reads better as "twenty or so years".

meenas17
Posts: 694
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Pay At Your End

#5 Post by meenas17 » 23 Oct 2019, 19:11

Very true! Ken.
Thanks for stopping by,
meenas17

meenas17
Posts: 694
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Pay At Your End

#6 Post by meenas17 » 23 Oct 2019, 19:11

Thanks Bob.
A reflection of my experience.
meenas17

meenas17
Posts: 694
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Pay At Your End

#7 Post by meenas17 » 23 Oct 2019, 19:15

Judy, thanks for the edits.
I have inserted a dash and changed and to or.
meenas17

Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang”