Someone Else's Hallelujah final revision

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Someone Else's Hallelujah final revision

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 24 Oct 2019, 09:58

Sylvia Plath called it Bell Jar
And wrote of the black
Amnesias of heaven.

Meds take the edge off but
Its as settled as the layers
Of dust on Callisto.

Someone else's Hallelujah
Struggles to rise, bumps
And rustles like a foil balloon
Caught in the updraft
Of a ceiling fan.

Its cerulean ribbon circles;
God's tow rope
With a small brass ring.


This finally took me where it wanted to go I apologize for wearing you out with it.

judyt547
Posts: 131
Joined: 17 Jan 2013, 19:46
Location: middle of the woods
Contact:

Re: Someone Else's Hallelujah final revision

#2 Post by judyt547 » 24 Oct 2019, 15:48

oh much much better.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Someone Else's Hallelujah final revision

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 24 Oct 2019, 16:17

Thanks

Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang”