Elvis was part of your life
and there was nothing you could do.
When "Love Me Tender" charted,
he was the first person whose
image was recognized in every country.
Mama was 24 with two kids.
Her sisters ran a beauty parlor,
always going around in rollers.
They got three tickets to see him
at the National Guard Armory
but my father forbade it.
" Please, Harry. We won't stay
for the whole thing."
I said no.
"I promise we'll come right home."
I said no.
It was the first time I saw her cry.
She threw on an apron, whipped
up potatoes and meat loaf,
fixed his plate and asked softly,
"does it need any salt?"
Honor and Obey
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- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Honor and Obey
Good slice of life but I would cut this... unnecessary
I promise we'll come right home."
I said no.
I promise we'll come right home."
I said no.
Re: Honor and Obey
You've switched pronouns in mid poem, Ken, it's very confusing.
"my father forbade it" becomes, in the next stanza, "I said no."
I think this needs both some reworking and maybe condensing.
"my father forbade it" becomes, in the next stanza, "I said no."
I think this needs both some reworking and maybe condensing.