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Alfred Sisley

Posted: 26 Mar 2020, 07:22
by BobBradshaw
V2:
Alfred Sisley

He painted his beloved rivers,
borrowing what money he could
for food, paints, brushes…

his name as forgotten
as a concealed layer
of paint.

Even as he was sick
with what his wife had died from,
cancer of the tongue,

he worked on trying to catch
the river’s changing colors,
its light fickle as fish.

Art magazines came to his town
like street corner gossip
eager to share the news

with his neighbors
of the scandalous brushwork
of Renoir and Monet.

How could Alfred compete
with their watery light, spilling
like purses onto canvasses—

their daubs of paint sparkling
like coins in sunlight?


V1:
Alfred Sisley

He painted his beloved rivers,
borrowing what money he could
for food, paints, brushes…

his name as forgotten
as a concealed layer
of paint.

Art magazines came to his town
like street corner gossip
eager to share the news

with his neighbors
of the scandalous brushwork
of Renoir and Monet.

How could Alfred compete
with their watery light, spilling
like purses onto canvasses—

their daubs of paint sparkling
like coins in sunlight?

Re: Alfred Sisley

Posted: 26 Mar 2020, 20:43
by SivaRamanathan
It definely needs one more triolet on a positive note that will bring out the passion of Alfred Sisely. And the last couplet also need one more line, a 'volte (something)

Re: Alfred Sisley

Posted: 26 Mar 2020, 22:25
by BobBradshaw
Thanks, Siva...I have changed the poem per your suggestion....the last stanza doesn't need another line(imho)....as a general rule the last stanza can vary from the preceding stanzas' lines...it can add more lines or trim the number of lines ...thx for your help

Re: Alfred Sisley

Posted: 27 Mar 2020, 09:45
by SivaRamanathan
Thanks for this funda.
Please read my reworked version of Paperfall.

Re: Alfred Sisley

Posted: 27 Mar 2020, 13:35
by SivaRamanathan
Bob
'thx for your help'
This is partaking.Not ' help' With my little understanding, and my Google Guru,I am able to get to appreciate your poem.Some poems however,I am at a loss.

Siva

Re: Alfred Sisley

Posted: 27 Mar 2020, 20:41
by BobBradshaw
You're too modest...but I don't see "Paperfall"....did you remove it?