A Friend's Wedding Reception

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

A Friend's Wedding Reception

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 03 Sep 2020, 23:38

v2:

A Friend's Wedding Reception


I remember looking up at a chandelier
with all its glass and lights winking

at the bride and groom as they danced
in an open clearing on the floor,

the guests ooh-ing and ahhh-ing
on the perimeter like children

seeing a meadow of fireflies
ascending from the grass.

Walking outside onto a porch,
under a hanging of stars,

I thought of Emmons...
No scent of clover—no blue cloud

of irises—could hold my attention
the way he had.

Imagine when I heard
Emmons was engaged

to a girl in a neighboring town!
Hearing her name--

my inner chandelier
lost its grip as my knees buckled

and my heart shuttered.
Though never spoken of,

marriage with Emmons
had been in the air

as inevitable as pollen
and birdsong in mid-summer.

Applause was coming from inside:
in a waltz -- the way columbine

wraps and lifts a flowering vine --
the groom held his bride by the waist,

the two rising in unison.



v1:
A Friend's Wedding Reception


I remember looking up at a chandelier
with all its glass and lights winking

at the bride and groom as they danced
in an open clearing on the floor,

the guests ooh-ing and ahhh-ing
on the perimeter like children

seeing a meadow of fireflies
ascending from the grass.

Walking outside onto a porch,
under a hanging of stars,

I thought of Emmons...
No scent of clover—no blue cloud

of irises—could hold my attention
the way he had.

Imagine when I heard
that Emmons was engaged

to a girl in a neighboring town!
Hearing her name--

my heart's chandelier
lost its grip as my knees buckled.

My heart shuttered.
Though never spoken of

marriage with Emmons
had been in the air

—as inevitable as pollen
—or birdsong—in mid-summer.

Applause was coming from inside:
in a dance the groom held his bride

by the waist, the way columbine
wraps his grip around

a flowering vine, the two
rising together.


note: a previously workshopped poem that has been reworked

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: A Friend's Wedding Reception

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 05 Sep 2020, 17:44

Hi Bob,

Workshop illustrated for this passage:

Imagine when I heard
Emmons was engaged

to a girl in a neighboring town!
Hearing her name--

my inner chandelier
lost grip as my knees buckled

and my heart shuttered. (shattered ?)
Though never spoken of,

marriage with Emmons
had been in the air

as inevitable as pollen
and birdsong in mid-summer.

Applause was coming from inside:
in a waltz - the way columbine

wraps hold lifting a flowering vine -
the groom held his bride by the waist,

the two rising in unison.

^^ or

rising united

And formally, the couplet form then would culminate in one line - 2 becoming 1

I saw in tandem with columbine, the image of a dove(Columbidae) in flight carrying a laurel, wrapped in its grip and that was heartily appealing for this reader-writer - and maybe, too, for the poem and its author.

Ekphrastic-wise, this sculpture, a creation inspired by both Rodin & his mistress in art, Camille Claudel, surfaced like form from stone:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wal ... _Valse.jpg

😎

Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Friend's Wedding Reception

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 05 Sep 2020, 22:27

Thx, Michael. I like your suggestions, especially the last line. May I ask if your last name is Neff?

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: A Friend's Wedding Reception

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 05 Sep 2020, 23:22

 
Hi Bob,

I enjoy reading & sharing workshop of your poetry.

I am not administration at WB.

Over 20 years ago(pre-IBPC), Alsop Review, MELIC, and WB(3 of the strongest) were of my initial cyber regulars. Those first 2 are no longer.  
I have been facilitating the monthly for over a decade at least - I quit counting the years & lost count. I enjoy doing it as a community service to the WB.
Mr. Neff has always been cordial with me during my residency these 2 decades at WB.

The following doesn't include at least 2 other IBPC recognitions - one representing The Atlantic Unbound; the other was either MELIC; or Atlantic, also -
that used to be found by scrolling through the archives link: 2000-2006 Poems: http://ibpc.webdelsol.com/2000.htm.

Michael Virga tetelestai The Writer's Block Highly Commended April 2010
Michael Virga I don’t Writer's Block Third Place November 2012
Michael Virga disrobing the ghost The Writer's Block Third Place November 2014
Michael Virga celebrating the 45th anniversary of Father’s Day The Writer's Block Honorable Mention July 2017

^^ excerpted alphabetically from http://ibpc.webdelsol.com/winning-poems-by-author:

I believe the professionally juried IBPC will be an instrumental reference (perhaps for Ken Burns 8) )
a document of the early history of cyber-poetry, anthologizing strong voices in poetry during that era.

Of course that would include Bob Bradshaw's, and the many others I have shared the joy of reading, workshopping, and forwarding to the finals,
to be awarded an honorary home in the IBPC archive at Web del Sol.


8)

Michael (MV), hoping to achieve a 2nd and/or 1st place before the Lord calls me Home
 
 

 

 

 
 
 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Friend's Wedding Reception

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 05 Sep 2020, 23:30

You're very kind, Michael. I appreciate all the support you've provided. I really like "disrobing the ghost"....

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: A Friend's Wedding Reception

#6 Post by Michael (MV) » 06 Sep 2020, 00:23

And Thank you, Bob.

Serendipitous(poetic coincidence as I call it):

I was just mentioning that robe to my sister yesterday. She thinks it weird(she doesn't understand poetic symbolism) that that robe
which I presented to our mother during her hospice & farewell year from here remains draped on the back of my recliner since 2013.
She was so proud of it; and I continue the God-given honor to be her son & brother: on earth as it is in Heaven. Especially her brother, my uncle Homer,
my only uncle, was the first through the years to liken me to Heathcliff, who would station such an article in his man cave, not as trophy, but as tribute.
And that led to the poem(and unknowingly its literary recognition & home), my birthday month. No wonder I have related to & felt a strong brother-sister creative kinship with the 2 Emily(s), Brontë & Dickinson.

Any relic of the dead is precious, if they were valued living.  -- Emily Brontë --   “I wish to be as God made me.”


Bob, Thanks again - your reading & mentioning the poem now prompts me to share the poem with my sister; furthermore, this entire narrative contains the inspiration of a poem. She is "show me the money" I am "show me the poetry" But my sister is my mother's daughter & we are forever her youngest children.

I find her
expecting us
There too
in Our Father's nursery

8)

Michael (MV)   always away on a sunny moon


BobBradshaw wrote:
05 Sep 2020, 23:30
You're very kind, Michael. I appreciate all the support you've provided. I really like "disrobing the ghost"....
 
 
 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Friend's Wedding Reception

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 06 Sep 2020, 22:57

I was moved by your story of your mother and sister. Thx for sharing.

Also, your help on this poem made a huge difference. Much thanks

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: A Friend's Wedding Reception

#8 Post by RamanathanSiva » 07 Sep 2020, 06:00

Michael, Thank you for sharing.

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