Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
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- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
I'm praying for spring to bring
some color to my girl's cheeks,
her skin pale as Baby's-breath,
Sara unaware of the almond trees
flowering in this unseasonably cold February
but knowing she will never give up,
I stay, all night--every night--
while outside a bald moon wanders
a dark hall like the soul of a child
of this godforsaken ward.
I'm praying for spring to bring
some color to my girl's cheeks,
her skin pale as Baby's-breath,
Sara unaware of the almond trees
flowering in this unseasonably cold February
but knowing she will never give up,
I stay, all night--every night--
while outside a bald moon wanders
a dark hall like the soul of a child
of this godforsaken ward.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
Hi Bob,
I like how the title sounds like the name.also of a painting.
Although unintentional, the internal rhyme
of "spring" & "bring" could be avoided by specifying a month:
I'm praying for May to bring
I esp like the image:
"her skin pale as Baby's-breath"
^^ echoes the drama of the poem just rightly,
a poem which I read as about a mother & child
struggling through premature birth, or some other
unfortunate health crisis.
Michael (MV), believing in nurture over nature
I like how the title sounds like the name.also of a painting.
Although unintentional, the internal rhyme
of "spring" & "bring" could be avoided by specifying a month:
I'm praying for May to bring
I esp like the image:
"her skin pale as Baby's-breath"
^^ echoes the drama of the poem just rightly,
a poem which I read as about a mother & child
struggling through premature birth, or some other
unfortunate health crisis.
Michael (MV), believing in nurture over nature
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- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
Good suggestion
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Re: Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
Good minimalism and excellent " show don't tell".
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Re: Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
Read this, Bob. Let me read it a couple of more times before I can say something intelligent.
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- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
Re Ken's mention of "minimalism " - and I had meant to share this observation in my initial workshop posting -
Bob, your poem articulates with sonnet logic: a "curtailed" Petrarchan sonnet,
in the 21st century
Michael (MV)
Bob, your poem articulates with sonnet logic: a "curtailed" Petrarchan sonnet,
in the 21st century
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
Thank you, Michael. Your comments make my day.
Re: Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward
Good little poem, seems a bit of a change for you. I have no suggestions. The spring/bring thing doesn't bother me.