Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward

[BobBradshaw]

Mother and Child in a Hospital Ward

I'm praying for spring to bring
some color to my girl's cheeks,
her skin pale as Baby's-breath,
Sara unaware of the almond trees
flowering in this unseasonably cold February

but knowing she will never give up,
I stay, all night--every night--
while outside a bald moon wanders
a dark hall like the soul of a child
of this godforsaken ward.

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Bob,

I like how the title sounds like the name.also of a painting.


Although unintentional, the internal rhyme
of "spring" & "bring" could be avoided by specifying a month:

I'm praying for May to bring


I esp like the image:

"her skin pale as Baby's-breath"

^^ echoes the drama of the poem just rightly,

a poem which I read as about a mother & child
struggling through premature birth, or some other
unfortunate health crisis.



Michael (MV), believing in nurture over nature

[BobBradshaw]

Good suggestion

[Kenneth2816]

Good minimalism and excellent " show don't tell".

[RamanathanSiva]

Read this, Bob. Let me read it a couple of more times before I can say something intelligent.

[Michael (MV)]

Re Ken's mention of "minimalism " - and I had meant to share this observation in my initial workshop posting -

Bob, your poem articulates with sonnet logic: a "curtailed" Petrarchan sonnet,

in the 21st century




Michael (MV)

Good minimalism and excellent " show don't tell".

 
 
 
 

[BobBradshaw]

Thank you, Michael. Your comments make my day.

[Billy]

Good little poem, seems a bit of a change for you. I have no suggestions. The spring/bring thing doesn't bother me.