I Thought To Lie With You

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
User avatar
Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

I Thought To Lie With You

#1 Post by Billy » 18 Jan 2021, 20:13

I Thought To Lie With You

We've known each other for too long.
I can't look at you with lustful eyes.
You succored me in the days of hammers

and pliers pounding and pulling me
in every direction except the one to myself.
You stood in my way like a lioness

guarding her cubs. I cursed you in your sleep.
My backward ways lack tenderness.
I'm ashamed though I still attempt the profane.

Is it me or you? The natural no longer
feels natural. Everything begins and ends halfway.
Sometimes, what isn't is just enough.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: I Thought To Lie With You

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 19 Jan 2021, 00:30

Excellent piece, Billy, on a complicated relationship where one’s needs don’t match the other’s. Terrific lioness image! And that last line is stellar..

Sometimes, what isn't is just enough.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: I Thought To Lie With You

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Jan 2021, 16:55

I like the tone. A little anger,a little confessional. Too, the delineation between love and lust and how hard it is to know the difference.

Post Reply