Grater

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Grater

#1 Post by Billy » 27 Jan 2021, 04:26

Grater

There wasn't no warnin',
just a slap 'cross the face,
but I learnt ta feel it
comin' the way I knew
a wiseacre was starin'

at me in a public place,
thinkin' hateful about me.
I went on cuz I knew two
wrongs didn't make no
right, so that's what

I done, hands clenched
in my pockets, mama
in my mind holdin' my
tears back like bullets
'n knives gonna riddle

my body with holes. Later,
I drug a slab of cheese
'cross a grater, bloodied
knuckles, shreddin' til nothin'
was left but a plowed pulp.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Grater

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Jan 2021, 05:52

Whoa. Strong close...love the accent

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Grater

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 27 Jan 2021, 17:08

Billy. This is a powerful poem. I think brevity works here better than say, going into personal details.

Most striking to me is the voice. Full of both hostility and self loathing. I can picture N.

Kids who are physically abused either turn violence inward or outward.

I think it s bonus that you were able to adhere to poetic form as if some restraint were needed

Good job and beast message

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Grater

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 27 Jan 2021, 17:51

This is my first nom

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Grater

#5 Post by Billy » 29 Jan 2021, 09:20

Thanks Bob and Kenneth

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