Killer Tooth Ache

[BobBradshaw]

Killer Tooth Ache

My right cheek is swollen,
the size of a fist.
My molar's a brat
who won't calm down.
I offer bribes, an ice bag,
an aspirin.

I should be slipping
inside you.
Instead pain, like a swarm
of angry bees, nests
inside my molar
as if it were a hollow stump.

I have a degree.
I have money in the bank.
I have a BMW
and a toothache
going off like a car alarm:
everyone ignores it.

Desperate I call a dentist.
He leans over me
with his jackhammer
and hand axe.
I wake up
with a bloody crater
inside my mouth.

And you
waiting in a car outside,
the door open.
The angry bees
nesting inside my molar
are gone. Men...
you sigh.
What is it with men
and doctors?
Why didn't you go
days ago?

I have no answer.
I roll the window down.
I lean
from your red sports car
into a perfumed wind.
Life is good.
Soon it could get
even better,
eh?

[Michael (MV)]

Bob

Not yet consistently strong with this - still in draft,
aching for a finale

In the spirit of workshopping & creativity



Michael (MV)

[BobBradshaw]

Thx, Michael, for commenting. Which part is weak?

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Bob,

"aching for a finale" - those last 4 lines; maybe they just aren't needed. The "perfumed wind" is stronger for the imagery.

And here:

"Desperate I call a dentist.
He leans over me
with his jackhammer
and hand axe."

^^ in keeping with the auto imagery, compare the dentist to a auto mechanic - like pulling the jaw into the garage


Bob, would you like to represent the WB with another poem; and Bob, please share some recommendations.

Thanks, Bob,

Michael

Thx, Michael, for commenting. Which part is weak?

[BobBradshaw]

Thx, Michael. I will think about the auto mechanic idea. I definitely will nominate Billy’s “Hollyhocks” poem and one of Ken’s.

I don’t know if I will be available this month. I have a poem nominated at another forum. If it isn’t selected I would be honored to have a poem represent WB.

[Michael (MV)]

Thanks, Bob, for the update.

Bob,
would you please post this same info over at Palaver in the Feb. IBPC thread:

https://www.the-writers-block.net/forum ... f=3&t=7914


Thanks, Bob:
and please represent the WB, if you are not needed elsewhere.



Michael (MV)

Thx, Michael. I will think about the auto mechanic idea. I definitely will nominate Billy’s “Hollyhocks” poem and one of Ken’s.

I don’t know if I will be available this month. I have a poem nominated at another forum. If it isn’t selected I would be honored to have a poem represent WB.