The Trouble I’ve Seen
Indigo is the color of dusk
when the crows settle
one by one in bare branches.
Light gleams on wings
like leftovers from heaven.
Unease ruffles the murder
like a wave from a stadium
brimming with fans cheering
for the next fallen hero.
Win or lose dependent
upon the amount of blood
shed on the killing field.
The Trouble I’ve Seen
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Re: The Trouble I’ve Seen
I like the writing...."like leftovers from heaven"...the last stanza though isn't as strong as I hoped for.
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- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: The Trouble I’ve Seen
Hi Billy,
A crow poem - a return flight to Ted Hughes
Workshop last stanza as
Win or lose dependent
upon how much blood
shed on the killing field.
Or
Win or lose dependent
upon how much blood
left on the killing field.
Michael (MV)
A crow poem - a return flight to Ted Hughes
Workshop last stanza as
Win or lose dependent
upon how much blood
shed on the killing field.
Or
Win or lose dependent
upon how much blood
left on the killing field.
Michael (MV)
Re: The Trouble I’ve Seen
Thanks Bob and Michael, not much of a poem, I posted it by accident.
I like your suggestion michael
I like your suggestion michael
Re: The Trouble I’ve Seen
That improved it, Michael, but Bob’s probably right about the last stanza, it’s weak.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: The Trouble I’ve Seen
Billy,
Don't underestimate this poem.
It's potent in content & craft.
"Light gleams on wings
like leftovers from heaven."
^^ Swinburne's "Lucifer in Starlight" comes to mind.
When the poem writes its finale, then it will be a keeper: a submission for pub credit; a contender for competition.
Michael (MV)
Don't underestimate this poem.
It's potent in content & craft.
"Light gleams on wings
like leftovers from heaven."
^^ Swinburne's "Lucifer in Starlight" comes to mind.
When the poem writes its finale, then it will be a keeper: a submission for pub credit; a contender for competition.
Michael (MV)
Re: The Trouble I’ve Seen
Billy,
I agree with Michael, The poem has a lot of potential.
Makes one think,
I agree with Michael, The poem has a lot of potential.
Makes one think,
meenas17