May Day Haiku

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

May Day Haiku

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 31 May 2021, 15:38

Sun strong on my face
I paint the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps

I lean into her
as she supports the ladder
her fragrance rises

her blonde hair brushes
my hand in a stroke of care
of intimacy


******


Sun strong on my face
I paint the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps

I lean into her
she supports the ladder well
her fragrance rises

blonde hair brushes me,
and a stroke of loving care
in intimacy


*Schat' literally translated 'treasure', meaning: darling,
informally used as a name. Italicised as a foreign word (NL.).

Not sure if 'painting' is better, some loathe '-ing' words.

Sun strong on my face
painting the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps




*****


Sun strong in my face
painting the fence ‘Autumn Gold’.
She holds the ladder.

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: May Day

#2 Post by Billy » 31 May 2021, 18:19

I like this haiku a lot, Frank, wouldn't change a thing.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: May Day

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 31 May 2021, 19:27

I agree. Well done!

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: May Day

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 31 May 2021, 20:33

 
Hi Frank,

haiku or haiku-like micro-poem (not all micro-poems are haiku specific, and do not need to be)

And, Yes, I, too, like & admire your poem here.


The male(animus) & female(anima) in composition not competition; maybe
that prompts my workshop-share: consider with phantom punctuation -

sun strong in my face
painting the fence autumn-gold
she holds the ladder


Frank, do you know of Haikuniverse: https://haikuniverse.com/submit/


8)

Michael (MV)
 
 
 
 
 

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: May Day

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 31 May 2021, 21:22

I thought you two might like it.

My thoughts are this as a preference:
MAY DAY

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: May Day

#6 Post by Billy » 01 Jun 2021, 17:52

It has haiku syllable count of 5/7/5 but haiku do not have titles

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: May Day Haiku

#7 Post by meenas17 » 03 Jun 2021, 15:00

Well done, Frank and welcome back,
meenas17

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: May Day Haiku

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 03 Jun 2021, 18:53

Thank you Mena.

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