Big Guy

[FranktheFrank]

Journal Entry Conceit
16 December 2023

I walked into the computer room
The big guy was there again
Messing about with his mates egging him on
Piling the V.D.U.’s on one table
I couldn’t settle down to some work

The lecturers in the opposite room ignored
the kid, overweight and full of self
full of vinegar as if his bigness was a protection
I decided to come back later
No good looking for trouble

Before I could reach the door
He had me in his grip
A standing full Nelson
The kid had to be joking
Trying to dominate an unknown
Sure, I was older than him by ten years
Smaller too and lighter

Didn’t he know that the guy who makes
the first move invariably loses
or that by laying a hand or hands on me
make him my prisoner and in that
I can do anything I like

I tried to reason my way out of the fix
‘Don’t be silly, let me go and it’s the end of this.’
His reply enraged me, he wasn’t going to let go
He was going to enjoy his fun, embarrass me
“It’s just a bit of fun,” he would have said afterwards.
I think it was the song children sing that did it,
“Heh heh, heh heh, heh.’ As if to say get out of that.

I snapped, I knew as I did it, I shouldn’t have
Like a dry twig snapping I moved
I dipped my knees slightly just enough
to transfer his weight onto his toes
Not enough to alarm him, but he was mine now
He was tied to me as I was tied by the Nelson

We are speaking here of milliseconds, right?
My arms were already up above my head
Helpless you might think. His pals moved
in closer enjoying the moment
Putting the old guy in his place
It wasn’t just balance involved here
There was momentum too. To understand
the situation one has to realise
he was leaning over me because he was taller
bigger chested, his weight bearing down on me
Simple mechanics tell you it is just a push
and he’ll topple. But my temper got in the way
That snap of anger, that Celtic fierceness

Momentum was already tipping him over me
But then I put all my strength into casting
my arms into a wheeling arc
at the same time dropping my knees farther
As he toppled over my bent-back
I continued to accelerate the movement
moving my upper body into a full wheel of arc

The result was extraordinary. His mates looked
On, mouths open. He sailed through the air
like a flying pig, arms flapping trying to wing
his way out of his predicament. I’d never practiced
this at the Dojo, its not even a proper technique
although basic principles were involved.

He landed yards away with a tremendous thump
The floors were of modern construction
Steel beams and the outer skin hanging
onto the beams including the floors
Which made them sort of bouncy
I though, we all thought the fall had killed him

But incredibly he shot up into a standing
position like a jack-in-the-box and he came
at me again, gesticulating urgently like
a semaphoring sailor with Sydenham’s chorea
Oh no, I thought, I’ve got to hit him now
And I don’t want to hit him, I want to finish
my degree. But here was something wrong
something out of sort, Big guy was now
making strange noises. He couldn’t talk

Several milli-seconds passed
until the penny dropped
He’d been winded. Relief all round.
‘You’re winded,’ I said. He grunted
His face red and getting redder.
‘Oh, okay, sit down then.’

He sat immediately his back against
my knees. I lifted both his arms
and kneed him in the back several times
an audible drawing of breath, a sigh
A breath had never been as sweet as this
Oh, sweet breath. The doorway filled
With anxious teachers, those in authority

‘He fell,’ I said. I lied. I didn’t like lying
But felt I should say something as he was
sitting on the floor and I was pummelling
his back with my knee. I pushed
his head down and he took the hint
and nodded. Yes, he was okay.

No real conversation after that, he slid
out of the room like a piece of jelly
his dumb struck mates close behind.
He came back an hour later and knelt
by my workstation Which I thought
was humble of him, cute too.
‘You did Judo, did you?’

The rest of the term went well
Whenever I entered the room
Big guy and his mates filed out.
It worked well like that.

*****

[CalebMurdock]

Frank, I have some work to do. I'll comment later.

[BobBradshaw]

Good draft. I like the story you draw. Now it's time to condense. I don't think you need to go through all the explanations of technique. Boil them down, keep the flow going as quickly as you can.... A good exercise may be to shorten the line lengths, to suggest the punch and quick actions. That would also help quicken the flow. I look forward to your revision.

[CalebMurdock]

I gather that this is a fantasy. I'm getting the impression that you are a rough & tumble kind of guy. I've gotten into very few physical altercations in my life, and I avoid them, so this poem is hard for me to judge. I second what Bob said. Mostly, I think you need to eliminate the explanatory parts. I'm looking forward to finding out more about you.

[FranktheFrank]

I will whittle it down Bob, thanks, it'll take me some time.

Thanks Caleb. N could be a slight placid sort of gal
or a gentle academic who wouldn't normally hurt a fly
who wears pinz nez glasses and has a light limp
from the war caused by falling down stairs, she served
in logistics as a clerk and never actually saw action.
She is coloured with an Japanese father and a Chinese
mother. She broke one heel of her high heels during
the action, but I omitted that, I don't know why.

On the other hand it could be anyone who fits
the description. I do believe it is non-fiction
so it was witnessed or related to me. Not
sure, so long ago now.

[CalebMurdock]

I didn't completely reread it just now, but I'm pretty sure that everyone you mentioned in the poem is a male, and now you are telling me the protagonist was a woman?

[FranktheFrank]

Hi Caleb,

I'm saying N and the poet are not related.
The Gender of N is not mentioned
It's not an autobiographical poem by the author
Parts of the poet's life may have crossed over in some of my poems.

Thanks again for entering into the spirit of workshopping.
ieuan

[CalebMurdock]

Sorry, I guess I didn't read the poem carefully enough. Despite my being at least a half-decent poet, my comprehension is poor, and I often have to read a poem several times to understand it.

[BobBradshaw]

Breaking the narrative into smaller chunks helps. I like the story a lot. He snapped like a dry twig is cliche. So is the jelly reference. Throw them out.

You’re actually not too far from finishing a more polished revision. It just needs more boiling down. For example, most of the stanza about the steel construction could be scrapped. Think Bernie….just enough imagery to wow you.

[FranktheFrank]

I actually thought dry twig was my original, and the jelly.
Strange how these clichés become part of us.
Yes, I just wanted to give the reason for the bouncy floor, it could go, I agree.

I am the most reasonable of people. The thought that I come over as an hairy ape
shocks me I mean I only ever strangle people when annoyed.

[BobBradshaw]

That’s not true! The N comes across as a very appealing person, considerate even for the guy attacking him. That’s a big part of the poem’s appeal.

I have always seen you as a sensitive and caring person. Where did you get such an idea? A hairy ape? Nonsense

Or are those 4 lines meant to read as an ironic reaction to such a perception? I guess.

[FranktheFrank]

Thanks Bob, I was joking around. I did enjoy writing this poem.

I guess the Big Guy learned that the old adage, The Bigger they are, the harder they fall, is true.

Yes, ironic reaction is correct.

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Frank,

Much in accord with Bob.

Condense, compress, let showing do the telling, and then this draft will evolve into a poem with a more focused impact.

Michael (MV)

[FranktheFrank]

I will work on it Michael, I did enjoy my first draft very much.
It wasn't really a five foot Japanese woman as N, Bob, but it could have been.

[BobBradshaw]

Make it a 5 foot Japanese woman…seriously.

[FranktheFrank]

Haha, Bob - that's a thought.

I walked into the computer room
my high heels clicking
buttoned up my blouse to hide my camisole
so as not to inflame the young men

Too many men lolling about
and one big guy loading
screens up on a table
Just messing about like kids do

He turned his gaze on me,
'Hello, darling,' lechery in his eyes
I tried to scoot off, but he had me
in a full Nelson before I knew it
At least he hadn't grabbed my breasts
or my tympath, my mound
like some beastly fellows do

[BobBradshaw]

That’s gorgeous. You’ve got it now! Just flesh it out…. And you’ll have a gem!!!!

[BobBradshaw]

I love the revision you have started here, Ieuan. Hope to see more soon….Merry Christmas, my friend.

[FranktheFrank]

I'll do my best friend, Bob. Happy Christmas day, enjoy.

[Billy]

What interests me is how you get over 9000 views since 12/17/23 for an average poem.

[FranktheFrank]

I may have taken over an old post Billy, I really can't remember.
It does seem unusual.

[FranktheFrank]

The nine thousand readers may be because of the title
'Big Guy' may be a bit misleading.

[FranktheFrank]

I can't work out how there are 9500 views in just eleven days.
Perhaps there is nothing on TV.