A Narrow Fellow

[CalebMurdock]

A Narrow Fellow

We ate almost daily in the same café.
You were lonely and wanted to be chums.
I was in my sixtieth Year of Caution phase,
and you were a bit more forward than I liked,
which made me hiss and coil all the tighter.
Years later I saw you on the street just as I
was slipping into my own lonesome phase.
I said hello and you quickly turned away.
Today I’m in my waning phase, holed up inside
my den, nursing frailties, unable to mend,
shucking my snake-skin one last time before
my scales disintegrate. I showed you how cold
our warming world could be, and wonder now
why it was so hard for me to be a friend.

☙

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Caleb,

This one reads to me like an unrhymed Italian sonnet. The remote rhyming of "mend" and "friend"
strategically frames the octave, and brings about the finale of this sonnet-poem.

Is the title a reference to Emily Dickinson's snake poem?




Michael (MV)

A Narrow Fellow

We ate almost daily in the same café.
You were lonely and wanted to be chums.
I was in my sixtieth Year of Caution phase,
and you were a bit more forward than I liked,
which made me hiss and coil all the tighter.
Years later I saw you on the street just as I
was slipping into my own lonesome phase.
I said hello and you quickly turned away.
Today I’m in my waning phase, holed up inside
my den, nursing frailties, unable to mend,
shucking my snake-skin one last time before
my scales disintegrate. I showed you how cold
our warming world could be, and wonder now
why it was so hard for me to be a friend.

☙

[CalebMurdock]

Thank you again, Michael, for responding.

Yes, the title is referencing the Dickinson poem.

It took me more than a year to come up with that mend/friend rhyme. For more than a year, "unable to mend" wasn't in there, and I was ending the poem with a word that just didn't sound right. The sonics were all wrong. Fixing this poem was a huge victory for me.

I moved to my mother's town when she was beginning to fade, and I needed friends, and this fellow in the local eatery was very friendly towards me, but he was TOO friendly -- too forward, too personal -- and I kept withdrawing from him out of suspicion. I proceeded to be mostly friendless during my time here, and I regretted my choices.

[BobBradshaw]

Nice one.

[CalebMurdock]

Thank you, Bob. This isn't a poem that would wow people at a poetry reading, but I think it reads well (when reading to one's self).

Can things go back to normal now? When you post a good one, I'd like to be able to tell you. I'll be more careful in the future about the remarks I make. (Actually, I thought I was being careful, but I guess I wasn't.)

[Billy]

I agree with Michael.

This is a clever and discerning poem. One of the best you’ve posted.

[CalebMurdock]

Thanks, Billy, that's very nice of you.

It isn't more than a couple years old, but I never submitted it anywhere because I didn't think it had much appeal. It isn't the kind of poem that would go over well at a reading (woops, it looks like I already said that to Bob). The snake theme would be hard to pick up from just hearing it.

I hope that Bob will start to post again. I won't critique his poems unless he gives me permission.

[Billy]

As I said, I don’t come here a lot. I have another site I go to more.
Right now, I’m not posting much anywhere. Having trouble writing for the moment.

[CalebMurdock]

I wouldn't say I'm having trouble writing, it's just that the poems come too infrequently. Trying to force the creativity doesn't work. In my old age -- despite my health problems -- I've achieved a kind of stasis, and such a state doesn't seem to spur creativity. Yet, as I approach death, I find myself wanting to write poetry which somehow captures the ineffable, and that isn't easy. So my ambition as a poet has increased at a time when I'm not feeling a lot of inspiration.